Desert Magnolia

I thought you should all know I decided to wear shoes today. Real shoes, with laces and everything. Most days, now, I hang out in my Minnetonka moccasin slippers most of the time. When it comes time to prepare a meal, I don my trusty Dansko clogs, which keep my feet and back happy while I cook. Our tile floors are nice, but they are treacherous on backs and my feet are always cold. So I have the two favs lined up side by side, right outside my closet, for easy donning. Slip on, slip off, slip on, and so on. The ritual of (post shower/grooming), slipping on footies, then getting into my favorite Keds? Well it represents forward movement of a sort. It means 'hey world, I am ready to meet and greet you, no matter what gives today.' Or something like that. Also, today is a jeans day. With a real (not sports) bra, and a real (not technical gear) blouse. Bring it. I am ready for whatever comes my way. Huge hugs, Stevie

It has come to my attention that I am lazy when it comes to grooming, these days. Let me be clear - I always wash up, via sink baths and such, but have spent less quality time immersed in or under a stream of hot water in the last two weeks. I'm not sure why this is, but feel that 'adjusting to the new normal', wherein we socialize virtually and isolate intentionally to slow the spread of this horrid virus, plays a role. I don't like change, I guess, and this reality represents change on a level my generation hasn't yet experienced. Until now. I've also noticed that when I do groom, I kinda go over the top with it. I seem to be an all or nothing girl right now. I'm either fully plucked, shaved, exfoliated, moisturized, mascaraed, lipsticked, perfumed, or I'm pretty raw. Always flossed and brushed, always wearing deodorant (I'm not an ANIMAL, y'all), always moisturized and possibly SPFd, but the plucking and shaving stuff...seems to be less...

Mid week, week 2. Here we are, making the best of social distancing. The governor just declared our state an emergency, so the distancing is mandatory, which I totally support. It's odd, though, to be a health care professional but deemed non-essential. It makes sense, but it stings a little. Does that make sense? I am important, but not emergent important. But that's not my point. Having time to think (ruminate?) about life, my choices, my career, etc., has revealed some areas of focus/clarity. First, I have learned I  am not a work at home person. I need people. I am an extrovert, and a healer, so I really need people. Literally. To do my job. Also, I really like people. Interacting is important to me. The give and take in a normal day is something I've not really thought too much about since becoming a D.O.M., it simply is. Well, now that it's not, I am missing it all. A lot. Second, as the big relief package takes effect, I am concerned. I am an Independe...

Week 1 is nearly over. We've weathered some days with distancing, have begun to understand what this is going to feel like, and must all process in our own way. Risks I see at this point: I may never ever believe an assuring word from our leaders about, well, anything, but mostly about the nature of a pathogen threatening our world and way of life. Ever again. I may never want to wear jeans again. Yoga pants rule. I may never want to wear makeup again. Or at least I may never wear as much as before, which wasn't a lot, but now....a hint of liner, some mascara - that's gonna be it. Done. The first time I have to get up at 6 a.m. to my alarm, I may chuck my phone across the room. Benefits I see at this point: The obvious - we may be able to flatten the viral curve enough to prevent completely overwhelming our fragile health care system. The flaws of our current system have been revealed in a glaring way, and now that the ugly cat is out of the bag, things are...

I recently discovered that the most terrifying possible letter from a doctor contains those words. Until that point, I was smug. I was full of my own pursuit of health, of my certainty that the hard work I've done for decades in terms of eating well, stress management, exercise would render me bulletproof. It didn't. So when I read those dreaded words, my heart stopped. My blood pressure rose. My stomach felt like a giant hand had squeezed it hard and had no intention of letting go anytime soon. I catastrophized. Within a day of processing the message in my imagination I had battled and lost to breast cancer. My children were motherless, their need for maternal support and love no longer within reach on this plane of existence. My husband was without his wife. In one scenario I concocted late at night, he had remarried, and seemed much happier than I had ever made him. In this scenario our beloved felines were emotionally bereft without their pet human to spoil...

Words, how they're chosen, used, emphasized, ordered, weighted, applied....mean everything. Well chosen words help clarify communication to the extent that it can be adequately interpreted. Poorly chosen words ensure a much longer, often circuitous path to clarity, often with corrections and alternate words added to the process to achieve the desired end result. Some writers just get it. They know how to judiciously employ economy and strategy and order and placement. Their writing often has a symmetry and a clean feel, and leaves us with vivid imagery and emotional descriptions that provide a view into deeper meaning without belaboring how we should feel. We are encouraged to come to our own conclusions without excess description. Some writers overcompensate. They tend to go on and on an on while making a point, to the extent, at times, that once you get to the point you're exhausted from the journey. The art of writing is something I've spent a lifetime studyi...

When I made the decision to go back to school, life changed, as we might expect. What had been busy became ultra scheduled. What had been intense took on a whole new meaning within a medical education. Priorities shifted. I had no idea how much free time I had before I went to school. That time evaporated within 15 minutes of crossing into the halls of medical focus. Flash forward to graduation, board exams, the scramble of early practice building, the commute involved with working two clinics, the endless focus on defining my practice, filling my schedule, etc. Not much free time there, either. Then there was an engagement, followed by planning and prep and wedding focus. That didn't take tons of physical time, but, as I'm learning, the emotional/intellectual prep for such an event is significant. And now it's done. It's over. The newlyweds are back home, settling into life as a married couple. We are adjusting to Life After. Days are no longer filled wi...