Desert Magnolia

I am beyond the gauntlet. I have, after five years of study and focus, completed my education and examination process for Oriental Medicine. Within a few weeks my license will arrive, and I will be set to practice this ancient, beautiful medicine. As I write this I am light, I am hopeful, I am absolutely stoked about the future. If there is anything I have learned from the process of becoming a physician, it is ...stick with it. Every single day, even if the volume of knowledge to be consumed/assimilated seems so daunting it induces catatonia at times. Just persist. And show up each and every day ready for what lies ahead. That is all. It may be time for a nap now. Huge hugs, Stevie

Next week I take my final National exam. It's a doozie, Herbs, and I am studying my ass off right now. Five down, one to go. A few months ago I couldn't envision this moment, but now it's upon me. That's life, isn't it? You steam along and make your way through whatever is ahead, then all of a sudden it is behind you, you've been birthed into a new challenge. Trying to take breaks. My colleagues who have recently run this same gauntlet say breaks make all the difference. As does believing in your ability to draw on the vast well of knowledge required to successfully complete the exams. So, study study study, yoga or some workout, study study, maybe a catnap, study study study. Rinse and repeat for the next week. Then? We'll see. If I pass, I'll b e dancing. If I don't, I'll be regrouping . Hugs, Stevie the (Exhausted) Student

4 letters. Big letters if you're me, and those letters are associated with how I did on the State licensing exam. I did it. I passed the test that was perhaps the single most intimidating challenge of my professional life, and for which I studied for 4 1/2 years. Solid. Hell, yes!! Big hugs, Euphoric Stevie

Part of comprehensive exams prep includes taking sample exams to help identify any areas where gaps in information may exist. I continue to be astonished with the sheer volume of knowledge I have welcomed into my being. I also find strange gaps in that knowledge.  Professors cover tons of subject matter each semester, with inevitable focus in places that interest them most. That's just how it works. I am beginning to see just where the interests have lain with my profs, and where the exam requirements may be much broader in some places. The good news is I am expanding my understanding of multiple topics as I work through this process.  The bad news is my personality focuses not on what I seem to know but on worrying about what I don't know (well), and as a result I am stressing myself out. Seriously, I'm bound to miss a few questions when they're served up in sets of 100 and cover ungodly breadth of knowledge. But I hate missing any at all, and I just need ...

August 14, 2016, 2:30 p.m., I graduated from Oriental Medical school. I took an oath. I hugged and was hugged by my profs, by those who handed me my diploma, who announced my name, helped me make my way across the stage. It's done, that part.  The academics. Now I study for National boards, take National boards. Rinse and repeat four times. Then take the State exam. And then, the good Lord willing and steady nerves prevailing, I will have successfully completed the gauntlet. And be a Doctor of Oriental Medicine. For re al. Huge hugs, Stevie

It's finally here, the final stretch to graduation. How will that change my daily life? I will not be commuting to Santa Fe four days a week. Total time spent each week in the car, 12 hours. That number can be bigger if there is a wreck, which there, sadly, often is. I will not be worried about random points being taken off of projects for reasons defying logic. I will not be avoiding the constant drama that seems to surround the students with whom I attend Oriental Medical school.  There is insanity at the highest levels which filters down into the lives of students, who really just want to study the medicine and not be charged for every.single.little thing, at a premium. I will not be second guessing myself on a daily basis in terms of how I look at, practice and honor this medicine. (I will always want to be the very best practitioner I can, so I will hold myself to the highest standards, which involves constant review of decisions...but not second guessing.) I will...

I just created my official application with the national governing body of practitioners of Oriental Medicine. With this application I declare my intention to graduate from my school, and to begin taking the national board exams. There are 4 nationals, (Points, Foundations, BioMed, Herbs), and one state exam. Within the next few months I will be distilling down my work over the last 4.5 years, I will review my buns off, and I will test for my Doctor of Oriental Medicine certification. I may need a glass of chardonnay to process this. This is for real. Hugs, Stevie

A dear family friend, who just recently returned to our state after years away in California, has graciously invited me to stay with her a couple of nights a week in Santa Fe while I finish up school. What does this mean? Less commuting. Which equates to less cumulative fatigue over the course of a week. Which also equates to a more focused, effective me..as a student and general member of society. Last week was our first week trying this new arrangement out, and it seems to be pretty comfortable - for both of us. Her home is lovely, and her neighbors are welcoming and supportive as well. This counts as an unexpected blessing. I am grateful, and I am thankful, and I look forward to doing my very best to finish this program strong and ready for boards, and for life beyond. It really does take a village to support big goals, doesn't it? Stevie

Every day, the trek to Santa Fe. Every day the schlep back home, hopefully with more experience and knowledge in the old cranium. After one full week behind us, I have to say, damn. Saturday was just a recovery day. I hit a wall around 3 p.m. and had to nap. Seriously. I know I will get used to the commute, or at least I tell myself I will. That it will become part of my day, and be no biggie. That I am fortunate to have avoided said commute for as long as I have, since my much younger daughter in the Big Apple commutes 1:10 every morning and evening, by train. So I need to just chill, right? Right. I have to believe the medicine is bigger and better than the politics and egos and nonsense that predicated our campus being 'consolidated' into the Santa Fe campus. I have to believe that the greater lesson here will eclipse the stupidity of trying to meld two completely and totally different philosphies/entities into one very narrow, rigid mold. I have to believe this.....

Another school term done. Final year awaits in another week and half. For now I'm simply taking a breath. Days tend to blend into one another, separated only by increments of sleep... I read. I run. I do my toes. I sew.  I nap. I cook. I deal with domestic stuff. I read some more. I nap some more. I may watch a sinful TV show or so..or binge favorite series I've recorded. But mostly I just breathe. And know that the strength I gather now will sustain me through the final year of my program, one in which I'll be commuting to Santa Fe every day and one which will no doubt hold surprises - both pleasant, and some not so pleasant. Namaste. Stevie

Happy Summer! Really summer..like 6th of July summer! Par for the course here in the high desert, it just rained. Hard. I believe the term 'like cats and dogs' would have fit perfectly. There was darkness as the storm moved in - fast. There was thunder, lightening, big wind, then RAIN! And some hail, but more rain... For about 15 minutes, then it blew itself out. The fish pond is overflowing. The garden is super happy. The air smells great. It's over. Onward. Have you ever had a feeling of heaviness, of just plain fatigue that won't let up? Have you ever had to take inventory of your day prior to your feet hitting the ground just so you know a: what day it is, and b: where you're expected to be and what you're expected to do? Me too. Right now. I blame this on the seemingly endless journey of Oriental Medical school. I blame this on being at midlife and understanding the need for true rest, and knowing that elusive pastime will have to wait until af...

The last week has been incredible. Daughter and her BF were home, and we got to spend time cooking and catching up and laughing and just being in the same space for a few days. It was fabulous. I am ...feeling full of Mama love, of commitment for my big goal, of belief in the future, overall. But the present, the present is awesome, too. Last night, very late, we put sweet girl and her BF on a plane for NYC. And now they are back to their lives in that very busy place, finding their way and defining their next steps as they do so. Today I regroup, connect with some clients, have lunch with the Granny Brigade, then dive into books. First final exam is tomorrow. Huge quiz follows, the next day. Next week, four big finals..big, hard, ugly, dense, finals. Am I ready yet? Nope. Will I be ready when the time comes? I'll do my best. Happy Spring! Stevie

It's the morning after. Not of a steamy love connection (unfortunately), but the morning after two weeks of intensity the likes of which I hope not to experience again any time soon. Let me explain. I already talked about finals, and wow, after my 9th round of them (yep, I've done this 9 times now!, only 6 to go....) I'm as used to them as I'm going to get. In other words, they're crazy hard and there's a ton of pressure to do well, as we would expect. Part of the trick, I think, is knowing what's coming...again and again and again....sometimes that can be harder than walking into something blind, don't you think? So there were finals, and now they are done. Because life wasn't already full/intense/stressful enough, a hot water pipe decided to burst under our living room. Which is, of course, on a concrete slab. Which needed to be, yes...jackhammered up. Again. (This happened once before, a mere 6 days before daughter's 18th birthday, ...

This week is the second week of finals, and I have two more to go. Thursday's is my Herbs II final, and I expect it to be a bear. Friday is Public Health and Epidemiology, and I expect it to be full of facts but manageable. The PH and Epi final has one thing over the Herbs II final in that it's all English, or mostly even though public health jargon is replete with acronyms, as one would expect from an area that deals with many government departments. But this Herbs final is going to take some finessing to manage. See we learn herbs with both their Pin Yin name (ie Chen Xiang) and their Latin name (Aquilariae Lignum resinatum). And then we learn about 20 details about each, and then we learn to distinguish between herbs in categories, ie which one is best for which condition but still good for other conditions, and so on. This semester we've learned 121 herbs in 17 categories. So far I've completed the study guide/take home quiz that our prof provided us. I feel ...

The frost is nearly on the pumpkin, and I am wondering where in the hell the last almost eleven months have gone! I mean, there were the holidays - always a blur,  then the New Year - always a bit of a letdown/gotta keep moving with school adventure,  then there was spring, my birthday (a no biggie one this year as it turns out), then there was summer (kind of a non-summer as summers go, highlighted by a quick visit from kids), now there is fall and oh man...it's almost the holidays again. The kittens have grown to full size kitties, and they are super fun and funny. We love them. The garden was awesome, and we're still getting a few tomatoes...though our days are numbered there. The big tree with all the leaves hasn't yet let go, but that's about to happen..probably next week when the temps dive a little below Indian Summer levels. Between now and setting up the tree? Finishing up midterms (yes another set...honestly, they never seem to end!), pushing through the re...

So, I just now, just two minutes ago, hit SEND, and off went my final final exam, to my Clinical Counseling professor. I reread it. I proofed it. I grammar and spell checked it. I pondered whether to append, addend, edit, or amend it, and in the end I just hit SEND. A former colleague of mine once said with our writing (much like art), we need to know when to call it good, when to stop, when to say enough is enough and leave well enough alone lest we inadvertently, in our perfectionism, create smudge ugly, the product of over working and over tinkering. I don't think I'm in danger of smudge ugly in this case. I just really hope I hit the high points that my prof will focus upon when it comes to grading this bad boy. ...fingers crossed ...foot tapping ...wondering if maybe one more pass would have been a good idea... Nah, it's in. I'm good. Let the cards fall where they may now. Hugs, Stevie

I am having a terrible time getting motivated for my final final review push. Which should be happening NOW! So far today I have....made brownies and a fresh cherry/peach crunch for a dinner party we're going to tonight; done a load of laundry; flossed and brushed really really well..better than usual; played with the kitties; checked my email accounts (some legit work stuff, but still...); finished up a small client project; checked Facebook (why I don't know- same stuff every single day it seems...); followed a link to a really cool vintage clothing site where I actually added several very romantic and pretty tunic style blouses to a cart, which I subsequently deleted); now written a blog article. Seriously. I know how much I need to focus, I really do! I just feel like avoiding it a little tiny bit longer. And you know I wouldn't reach out for the much needed kick in the pants if I thought kicking my own self in my own pants would work. I know from experience th...

There comes a time in every semester when it's time to deliver. There are papers and presentations, prep for finals, registration for next clinic, then next semester, etc. It all seems to happen in a period of two weeks, and the pressure is palpable. This week so far I've attended a mandatory clinic competency training session, prepared for and taken an Herbs quiz, completed and presented a Nutrition paper on the Mediterranean Diet (which is super cool if you haven't already learned about it! www.oldwayspt.org has tons of info for inquiring minds), reviewed my schedule for next term, chosen three possible clinic slots (we do a lottery that gets super ugly super fast as clinic slots fill up and schedules get wonky), begun and am now prepared to complete a paper for Clinical Counseling due tomorrow (complete with presentation...) on Bipolar Disorder. Oh, and I cranked out an article, posted said article (and tailored social media posts as well) for one of my clients. N...

I spent years writing copy. Marketing copy. PR copy. Website content. Collateral copy. Social media copy. There were times when I had to dig deeply to produce words that did their jobs, granted, but mostly I could just remember my basic premise/goals/objectives and something would percolate up. Lately I've been stymied here. I've been waiting for my muse to sprinkle magic idea dust on me that will then compel me to rush to my laptop and share with you. The muse has been messin' with me, so I've decided to resort to plumbing my own depths and motivation and see what I can come up with. First, why am I doing this in the first place? When I began Desert Magnolia I desperately needed a venue for my own thoughts. Spending my career spinning and generating ideas for commercial purposes had exhausted me in some ways but offered no outlet for my creativity or my own voice. So, I started this blog. Second, once the initial euphoria of having an actual, dedicated venue o...

Another term has begun, bringing with it the normal chaos. There are more/different books to order, supplies to obtain, glitches to address/resolve, and the need to organize like crazy to ensure all goes smoothly and nothing drops. Nothing. Challenges this term include wrangling my most intense class load yet - 18 hrs. - and managing to consult enough to put food on the table. Expected high points include flying to RI next week to attend my girl's college graduation and generally enjoy a weekend AWAY from this one horse town in which I find myself for increasingly long stretches of time due to school and limited finances. A girl who's in grad school and working as much as possible but earning a bare minimum doesn't just fly away for week long getaways anymore. I think that luxury will remain elusive until such point, after graduation, as I've managed to pass my boards, get a license to practice, and have built a practice to the point of making a living. I don...