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My muse is PMSing

I spent years writing copy. Marketing copy. PR copy. Website content. Collateral copy. Social media copy.

There were times when I had to dig deeply to produce words that did their jobs, granted, but mostly I could just remember my basic premise/goals/objectives and something would percolate up.

Lately I've been stymied here. I've been waiting for my muse to sprinkle magic idea dust on me that will then compel me to rush to my laptop and share with you. The muse has been messin' with me, so I've decided to resort to plumbing my own depths and motivation and see what I can come up with.

First, why am I doing this in the first place? When I began Desert Magnolia I desperately needed a venue for my own thoughts. Spending my career spinning and generating ideas for commercial purposes had exhausted me in some ways but offered no outlet for my creativity or my own voice. So, I started this blog.

Second, once the initial euphoria of having an actual, dedicated venue on which to share my personal views had waned I continued on a wave of expressive momentum that carried me through several more years.

But now I'm at that place where I am again exhausted, but in a different way. This time it's due to my own creation, my own decision to study medicine, my own desire to rewrite my own future. And while I'm completely vested in the process, I realize it may be eating up what little creative energy I have at the moment.

So instead of sticking to some kind of a schedule of writing and using a formulaic approach, ie choosing the latest political shenanigans or the most amazing or ridiculous fashion trend or just plain soliloquizing about nothing in particular, I've gone silent.

Also, I suspect I am experiencing a fair amount of performance anxiety. After all, don't you all have expectations of some sort of what you'll find when you visit?

I know, this sounds a little silly, but there you have it. I respect you all enough to not just subject you to totally random thoughts (ahem) that may or may not lead to a conclusion or support an inferred argument. I guess I'm just not feeling very clever, or my clever and intellectual focus is consumed by the intricacies of Oriental Medicine.

In any case, I miss you. I miss feeling like I'm somehow in touch, albeit in a strange and remote way, not unlike how a standup comedienne might feel in a dive bar close to a local college. There may not be a ton of you in the audience, but I like to think the ones who return are hoping for a little entertainment.

The muse notwithstanding, life is really good.

Recent happenings (order does not reflect importance..):

Midterms came and went without too much fanfare, though considerable energy was expended in the process and my brain is still a little fuzzy from the multi-week focus. Administration spread the exams out a little instead of creating the normal Hell week of mid-terms, and while the intent was solid, actually living through that process was a little strange and slightly nausea inducing, to be honest.

The roses GG planted in our front bed along the walk leading to our front door are taking nicely, and have in fact bloomed already! Go GG!

The whole flurry of activity around having the kiddos home, hosting the graduation party and generally celebrating being together was tremendous. What a family. What a great feeling exchanging ideas and listening to the amazing young adults my children have become. They rock, and they are much much more sophisticated, aware and focused than I was at that age. Yikes. Oh, and daughter's boyfriend came to visit for a week. He is fabulous. He is sweet and kind and romantic and funny and smart and driven and he is smitten by my girl, who appears to share the sentiment. They both landed jobs on the East coast, within 45 minutes of each other, so they'll be able to continue their relationship and see what happens as they establish themselves as independent young professionals.

So now it's hotter than it's been all summer, and four weeks remain of this term at school. I need to focus focus focus, study my ass off, and produce two well-researched, fully-developed papers/presentations within the next two weeks while also focusing on the normal stuff. Herbs, Clinical Counseling, Nutrition, Medical Theory III, and my clinic shift all require constant vigilance and review.

Am I looking forward to a two week break between terms? Yep, but I can't even look that far ahead right now. There is far too much to do before that respite, and I can't take my eye off the ball for a moment.

Cliche abuse notwithstanding, (I blame my PMSing muse for my overuse of borderline bad cliches and shaky metaphors and just plain weak analogies), it's good to write this.

I hope you are all having an awesome summer, and that life is good!

Hugs,

Stevie



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