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I recently discovered that the most terrifying possible letter from a doctor contains those words.

Until that point, I was smug. I was full of my own pursuit of health, of my certainty that the hard work I've done for decades in terms of eating well, stress management, exercise would render me bulletproof.
It didn't.
So when I read those dreaded words, my heart stopped. My blood pressure rose. My stomach felt like a giant hand had squeezed it hard and had no intention of letting go anytime soon.
I catastrophized. Within a day of processing the message in my imagination I had battled and lost to breast cancer. My children were motherless, their need for maternal support and love no longer within reach on this plane of existence. My husband was without his wife. In one scenario I concocted late at night, he had remarried, and seemed much happier than I had ever made him. In this scenario our beloved felines were emotionally bereft without their pet human to spoil them each and …
Recent posts

About words

Words, how they're chosen, used, emphasized, ordered, weighted, applied....mean everything.

Well chosen words help clarify communication to the extent that it can be adequately interpreted.

Poorly chosen words ensure a much longer, often circuitous path to clarity, often with corrections and alternate words added to the process to achieve the desired end result.

Some writers just get it. They know how to judiciously employ economy and strategy and order and placement. Their writing often has a symmetry and a clean feel, and leaves us with vivid imagery and emotional descriptions that provide a view into deeper meaning without belaboring how we should feel. We are encouraged to come to our own conclusions without excess description.

Some writers overcompensate. They tend to go on and on an on while making a point, to the extent, at times, that once you get to the point you're exhausted from the journey.

The art of writing is something I've spent a lifetime studying and pra…

New concept - free(ish) time

When I made the decision to go back to school, life changed, as we might expect.

What had been busy became ultra scheduled. What had been intense took on a whole new meaning within a medical education.

Priorities shifted.

I had no idea how much free time I had before I went to school. That time evaporated within 15 minutes of crossing into the halls of medical focus.

Flash forward to graduation, board exams, the scramble of early practice building, the commute involved with working two clinics, the endless focus on defining my practice, filling my schedule, etc. Not much free time there, either.

Then there was an engagement, followed by planning and prep and wedding focus. That didn't take tons of physical time, but, as I'm learning, the emotional/intellectual prep for such an event is significant.

And now it's done. It's over. The newlyweds are back home, settling into life as a married couple. We are adjusting to Life After.

Days are no longer filled with wedding pr…

My Yeti is back

Son had borrowed it. Turns out he's not great about bringing things back - he's used to being on his own and coming and going and not having to think about things like a mug being someone else's. And a favorite at that.

His departure left an energy vacuum that is slowly being filled with daily life.

We are planting the succulents leftover from the botanical themed wedding.

We are doing laundry, replacing light bulbs (an unprecedented number of them bit the dust over the wedding weekend, for some reason), returning borrowed coolers and fans and sundry other items necessary to stage an event the magnitude of ours.

As the days go by I feel some clarity returning, some base energy filling the vast abyss following the wedding. I wasn't sure how to prepare for that, and still don't know how. I guess you experience it, then recover, as we are doing.

We are enjoying pictures that are now circulating, taken during the festivities.

Daughter and New Husband are back home on …

Life after

The Big Event happened.

Three days ago, after much anticipation, countless checklists, a multitude of fine adjustments...my baby girl got married.

We cooked, we served, we mingled, we primped and prepared, we embraced the whirlwind of activity surrounding the Day.

There was hair doing, makeup applying, dress steaming, adjusting, perfuming, perfecting.

Along the way were moments...of extreme awareness, high emotion, gratitude, joy...the Day was intense. And something I am reliving in the days beyond.

It was perfect.

All of it.

The weather, which had threatened to disrupt things right around ceremony time, calmed. Threatening clouds uttered final thunder rumbles, then softly dissipated over the mountain, almost like an invisible force field/protective bubble was around the venue. The clouds made it cooler than it could have been/should have been, and for that we were grateful. The lighting was perfect..magical, in many ways, and allowed for some gorgeous photos to be taken.

The venue, …

Just 5 days now

In 5 days my baby girl will be getting married.

In 2 days she, her fiance and their besties will be arriving.

In 1 day I will need to have baked 6 quiches of different flavors for the brunch on Sunday.

In 3 days I will have baked enough brownies to satisfy the sweet cravings of anarmy  a rehearsal dinner crowd.

In 3 days I will have made enough lemon bars to do the same.

In 15 minutes my next patient, then my last patient of the day, arrive.

Just 2 hours ago my Mom came into clinic for a tuneup treatment and left 'feeling like she was walking on a cloud'.

In 2 days I will, upon closing my clinic day, get my Mother of the Bride Mani/Pedi on my way home.

In 3 days our little family and the groom's little family will enjoy cocktails and appetizers on our patio followed by dinner at a lovely, lovely restaurant in the valley to celebrate Father of the Groom's 60th birthday.

In 4 days we will be loading a host of vehicles with the necessities to throw the party of Century f…

Procrastination

I have, through the years, become quite good at avoiding things I need to do but don't really want to do.

During school, particularly around midterms and finals, my house would be really really clean. Turns out I scrub to avoid reviewing.

Around tax time I can be found exercising more diligently than almost any other time, and my pedis are creative and well kept- not a chip in sight.  I hate gathering documentation for the annual IRS fest, and nobody can give me hard time about exercising OR having nice tootsies.

Right now I'm avoiding my annual requisite CEU's. I haven't been to any great classes this year, what with trying to build a practice and all, so I'm forced to seek online options. Which are less than inspiring. And make me want to avoid them like the plague.

My plan today? Shower. Workout. Grab some groceries. Balance the checkbook. Pay my student loan payment. Try to get my car fixed (the driver's side visor FELL OFF INTO MY LAP while I was on the f…