Pivot

So I made appointments for hubby and I to get our COVID and flu vaccines. It was a date, of sorts, on this Friday evening after a(nother) long week.  But we wanted to get it done.

We get to the CVS, check in, and they inform us that CVS isn't actually contracted with our insurance company, which means we'd have to pay out of pocket. We politely declined. We pay ridiculous premiums, after all, and to just pay more because our insurance company doesn't play well with CVS? Couldn't do it, out of principle alone.

Now a few years ago I wouldn't actually understand the mental preparation, as well as the literal preparation that goes into planning for a(nother) vaccine.  I like to err to the conservative and assume I'll need a day or two to chill while my immune system mounts its response. Last time, it wasn't bad, but I was glad I had that day (which was not the day after, but the 2nd day, as it turns out), to recuperate. So our weekend was light. We pushed off a dinner invite until next weekend, just in case...We got our heads in that 'I'm probably going to feel a little crappy for a couple of days but it's the right/safe thing to do so I'll do it again...' space, and then bailed.

We ended up picking up dinner from a stunningly mediocre Greek restaurant next to the favorite brick oven pizza place we had chosen, then left when the line was shockingly long. In our muddled mental state, we made a quick decision, which seldom works well for us, a fact that was reinforced yet again. We got home, ate, grumbling, and decided our favorite Greek restaurant (down by the University), is in no danger of the competition from the mediocre place we went to tonight.

When we got home, as we were sitting down to eat, our neighbor called to say a package of ours had accidentally been delivered to he and his wife. We offered to go get it, but he insisted on bringing it over. The package is mine, from Banana Republic. They had some long sleeve tee shirts I like on clearance, so I got them to wear as my clinic staple outfit. Long sleeve tees, jeans, clogs or boots, and I'm a happy doc. 

Hubby had to make a comment, though, because that's how he is. Something about how I can't write that stuff off anymore since I'm an employee not an independent contractor anymore. And it rubbed me the wrong way. I may have hung my head and sighed a big sigh. Emotions are running high for a lot of reasons these days, and I feel myself getting absolutely fed up with the same old crap and pressure about everything damned thing. 

Some days I feel like my heart and head are going to simply explode and make a giant mess I won't be able to clean up with apologies. I yearn for conversations that don't include questions about our son (who is dealing with some of his own stuff right now), or about money, or comments about how crappy things are at his work. I just want to have a human to human conversation about dreams,  the amazing moon, great food, good movies, love, ANYTHING but the same old topics that have no real resolution yet.

Anyhoo, I have made appointments for our vaccines this next week, without the time buffers I'd like built in. But we'll get the shots, and see how it goes. 

And this weekend, the one with more energy than we'd thought we'd have? I hope to gather my thoughts and get my attitude in check, Because I don't like this space I'm in, and know I can shift things if I focus on gratitude and all of the amazing and good things in my life. Because there is more good than bad, but I am just stuck in the shadow of the hard stuff right now. And that needs to change.

Peace out for now, friends.

Hugs,

Stevie