Desert Magnolia

This whole vacation thing is growing on me. Today my big accomplishment (everything is relative), was getting out of my pjs, into yoga pants and a sweatshirt, picking up takeout salads, then coming back home and getting back into my pj bottoms. Seriously. Yes, I worked a little. But in my pjs. And son and I watched the new Spider Man movie, which was a terrible waste of almost 2 hours and we're sad we won't get that time back. And then he and I watched several episodes of Ally McBeal, though we both fell asleep during the 3rd episode so we'll have to rewatch that I guess. My face is washed, my teeth are brushed, and I am violating no personal hygiene rules, but I have to say, this whole hanging out in one's pj's for ALL DAY? Is a wonderful way to go.

It's the morning after. Not of a steamy love connection (unfortunately), but the morning after two weeks of intensity the likes of which I hope not to experience again any time soon. Let me explain. I already talked about finals, and wow, after my 9th round of them (yep, I've done this 9 times now!, only 6 to go....) I'm as used to them as I'm going to get. In other words, they're crazy hard and there's a ton of pressure to do well, as we would expect. Part of the trick, I think, is knowing what's coming...again and again and again....sometimes that can be harder than walking into something blind, don't you think? So there were finals, and now they are done. Because life wasn't already full/intense/stressful enough, a hot water pipe decided to burst under our living room. Which is, of course, on a concrete slab. Which needed to be, yes...jackhammered up. Again. (This happened once before, a mere 6 days before daughter's 18th birthday, ...

This week is the second week of finals, and I have two more to go. Thursday's is my Herbs II final, and I expect it to be a bear. Friday is Public Health and Epidemiology, and I expect it to be full of facts but manageable. The PH and Epi final has one thing over the Herbs II final in that it's all English, or mostly even though public health jargon is replete with acronyms, as one would expect from an area that deals with many government departments. But this Herbs final is going to take some finessing to manage. See we learn herbs with both their Pin Yin name (ie Chen Xiang) and their Latin name (Aquilariae Lignum resinatum). And then we learn about 20 details about each, and then we learn to distinguish between herbs in categories, ie which one is best for which condition but still good for other conditions, and so on. This semester we've learned 121 herbs in 17 categories. So far I've completed the study guide/take home quiz that our prof provided us. I feel ...

My mom has been visiting. As I mentioned before, she hasn't been here for a long time, so things felt awkward, and in many ways I realize I don't know her anymore. Conversations started out a little stilted, and there was a lot of qualifying and backfilling of information and such. There are many gaps in the information continuum, and we had to make sure the stories made sense. During her visit I realized that she is, and always will be, a very gifted artist. She is just one of those people who would rather be engrossed in a complex project (she does amazing reverse applique using silks and wonderful wild fabrics and she has a fabulous eye and creates works of, yes...art...with ease). Living with an artist isn't easy when you're growing up. She loved me deeply, but her compulsion to do her art was that - a compulsion - and if she didn't get enough time, a lot of time, to create, she'd go a little crazy and feel very much like a rat in a maze instead of a ...

A few months back I played with adopting the Mediterranean Diet. In principle, it seemed like a really good choice. I am, after all, half of that region of the world, and felt like maybe I needed to expand my horizons while reducing my animal product intake. Huuuuuuge personal mistake. (I know, Dr. G, but I am what I am.) In the time I opted for chickpeas and legumes as primary protein sources I noticed a need for much more on my plate or in my bowl to satisfy my nutritional needs. I didn't mind that, and just increased what I ate. Lots and lots of veggies, etc., but I was always hedging what felt like a sugar crash, and given my history with that, I didn't like it. I felt bloaty most of the time. I felt less sharp, a little more on edge, and spent what I deemed to be way too much time thinking about my next meal. I had terrible PMS. Terrible. I won't elaborate, but really who wants to worsen that little monthly nugget? Not me... I gained almost 10 pounds, pou...

Is there a rhyme or reason to the actions we take? This question has arisen countless times since humans began to ponder such things. And no matter which theory you subscribe to, no matter how empty or full your consciousness may be at any given point in time, the variables involved in determining true motivation are myriad, and, I believe, impossible to calculate with any scientific precision. After all, motivation can be linked to many things, and if the heart happens to be involved, then all bets are off in terms of applying logic to the scenario. The heart does what the heart does, when it decides to do it, and we generally get to hold on and do our best to navigate the outcome and avoid vertigo, if possible. To all of the big questions, I am beginning to believe, the answer is love. Love is the answer. It takes so many forms it is impossible to quantify. It defies reason, logic and attempts at control. It persists in spite of our attempting to think it through, thank goodness...

The frost is nearly on the pumpkin, and I am wondering where in the hell the last almost eleven months have gone! I mean, there were the holidays - always a blur,  then the New Year - always a bit of a letdown/gotta keep moving with school adventure,  then there was spring, my birthday (a no biggie one this year as it turns out), then there was summer (kind of a non-summer as summers go, highlighted by a quick visit from kids), now there is fall and oh man...it's almost the holidays again. The kittens have grown to full size kitties, and they are super fun and funny. We love them. The garden was awesome, and we're still getting a few tomatoes...though our days are numbered there. The big tree with all the leaves hasn't yet let go, but that's about to happen..probably next week when the temps dive a little below Indian Summer levels. Between now and setting up the tree? Finishing up midterms (yes another set...honestly, they never seem to end!), pushing through the re...

Yes, green chili roasting is the first hallmark of fall , but the season itself usually takes a month or so to follow suit. Apparently, we're there. This morning's walk was definitely not what it has been in terms of heat. While the average temps have been declining, there was a noticeable ..something as I made my way along the trails. And it was humid, too, which is super rare for here and results from the recent tail end of Hurricane Odile making her way through our fair state. So, before we know it the leaves will change (aspens are already neon yellow up in the northern part of the state, per my husband, who just returned from a backpacking trip), then, one night the temps will drop just far enough to make the trees call it quits for the year, then WHAM!, our silver maple will drop every.single.leaf in one night! No kidding, this tree...just decides when it's time, it's time, and there's a resounding crash as thousands of leaves hit the ground. It may b...

Well, I've broken through the 400 barrier of blog posts. When I think about it, I can't imagine having enough ideas - random or organized - to have written 400 missives. In fact, this feels a little, you know, anticlimactic. I mean with all of the big changes in my life, the current state of the world, global warming, the continued fight for equality for all, ebola, a shocking lack of notable miracles of late, and a general malaise of the soul that so many feel right now, breaking through a number seems shallow. On the other hand, life is made up of the small things, the notable moments, the special, serendipitous happenings that color days in beautiful ways and empower frightened people to accomplish Herculean feats. The moment in which we find ourselves is the only moment we are guaranteed, after all. The past, well it's already happened, and the future isn't a given. Little (and not so little) things that make life remarkable and help fill moments with..someth...

Getting older has its perks. I am now comfortable enough in my skin to answer questions I used to find incredibly invasive, though I am mature enough to know when NOT to answer them, as well. I no longer feel the need to justify or explain away aspects of myself in mixed company. I am not an  unkind, nasty or evil person, so I know that facets of me that seem quirky or odd are fairly easily explained away by unresolved childhood trauma. I'm still working on stupid stuff/reactions that characterized my life before 30, really, and know that this life is about evolution, not perfection, so whew! There are occasions, though, when maybe I'm a little too comfortable, that maybe I just feel that sharing something under cross examination is for the best. Or maybe I just don't hyper examine every single thought that escapes my face via my lips.... Case in point? Recently a fellow student, someone with whom I have been equally distant (by instinct - there is just something abo...

Occasionally, in spite of our advancing years, an opportunity to be a little silly, to let our collective hair down a bit, to just be in the same space with dear friends happens. Tomorrow night, this is the case. Now, for the first time in many years my hair happens to be longer than either of the two women I'm referring to here, because one of them has gone chic short after decades of elegant, long tresses and the other has opted for a medium short, very sassy cut that suits her well and makes her not stress every day, which is saying something. So what I'm saying is my comment about letting hair down is really figurative, not literal. Both of these women have also opted to stop dyeing their hair, which means LV is salt and pepper and gorgeous, and PD is all grey and stunning. I, however, am still waffling and continue to highlight my hair and will until it's really silver instead of in between, I think... Anyway, these women are remarkable. Interestingly enough, we a...

I was brought up by hippie intellectuals, or intellectual hippies, I'm not sure what the correct order is for those descriptors.  We had no TV. We had bookshelves full of an astonishing variety of tomes covering topics from anthropology to fine art, science fiction to popular social treatise work. There were no banned areas; if I wanted to read something, I could. Not that there was porn or anything age-sensitive to speak of, but you know what I mean. My parents were about broadening perspective, always, regardless of whether it made a person uncomfortable in the process. Social awareness isn't always pleasant, after all. Did I mention I was an only, too? I am. Solo. No sibs. Lots of good friends within a 5 minute walking radius of our house, but no sibs. Anyway, I'm a voracious reader. I had to learn at an early age to entertain myself, and I did, of necessity. I admit, I snuck in TV watching when I could, but for the most part, reading was my escape. So I treasure ...

Realizing the dream of having both of my offspring graduate from college and be on their way to gainful employment and, hopefully, rich lives, has been amazing. I am proud beyond words. I am relieved. I am absolutely certain they will go forth and conquer, and I can't wait to witness their journeys. Son has already begun to carve a path in the academic world, and has weekly stories to tell of the experiences he's having as he's done so. Firmly ensconced in the Middle East, he has managed to rise quickly in the ranks of his university, and appears to be loving his work, though it can be maddening at times. He's whittling down his student loans, and is now considering grad school at some point. Daughter will begin her job right after Labor Day. She'll be working in NYC in a highly respected cancer center, and will be playing a role managing care for her patients. She is excited, a little nervous, and mostly anxious to begin this next big phase of her life. Th...

Here in New Mexico we take our green chili seriously. We love it. We talk about it endlessly, we await each new harvest with great anticipation, and then we do what we do, in our own special way when it's time to bring it home. First, there is choosing the temperature. This process requires conferring with the local roaster, reading recent articles about the heat of this year's crop, then deciding which way to go. This year we got Hot, which, we were told, is really Medium Hot. Second, there is the roasting. This requires waiting in line, usually in sweltering heat, while a sweaty roaster person dumps the chili in the roaster and begins the process. They adjust the flames a few times, monitor the progress of the roast, and when it's just right, they dump it into a plastic garbage bag they've put into a box, then twist the top of the bag shut, then hand it to you to take home and do with it what you wish. Third, and this is where most of the variations occur, the...

So, I just now, just two minutes ago, hit SEND, and off went my final final exam, to my Clinical Counseling professor. I reread it. I proofed it. I grammar and spell checked it. I pondered whether to append, addend, edit, or amend it, and in the end I just hit SEND. A former colleague of mine once said with our writing (much like art), we need to know when to call it good, when to stop, when to say enough is enough and leave well enough alone lest we inadvertently, in our perfectionism, create smudge ugly, the product of over working and over tinkering. I don't think I'm in danger of smudge ugly in this case. I just really hope I hit the high points that my prof will focus upon when it comes to grading this bad boy. ...fingers crossed ...foot tapping ...wondering if maybe one more pass would have been a good idea... Nah, it's in. I'm good. Let the cards fall where they may now. Hugs, Stevie

I am having a terrible time getting motivated for my final final review push. Which should be happening NOW! So far today I have....made brownies and a fresh cherry/peach crunch for a dinner party we're going to tonight; done a load of laundry; flossed and brushed really really well..better than usual; played with the kitties; checked my email accounts (some legit work stuff, but still...); finished up a small client project; checked Facebook (why I don't know- same stuff every single day it seems...); followed a link to a really cool vintage clothing site where I actually added several very romantic and pretty tunic style blouses to a cart, which I subsequently deleted); now written a blog article. Seriously. I know how much I need to focus, I really do! I just feel like avoiding it a little tiny bit longer. And you know I wouldn't reach out for the much needed kick in the pants if I thought kicking my own self in my own pants would work. I know from experience th...

At the beginning of this semester I decided to head back into omnivore status from Primal status in terms of nutritional choices. After 2 1/2 years of vilifying grains of all kinds, most sugar, spending inordinate amounts of time conjuring up ways to wrap things to create sandwich-like foods, and boring every single one of my family members and friends with the idealized Primal approach, I threw in the towel. I had begun to dislike meat. I had begun to have fantasies about toast and the occasional tortilla. I thought long and hard about making the change, and then went for it. I began heading in a mostly plant protein vs animal protein direction, and have settled on the Mediterranean Diet. Diet is a misnomer; it's a way of life, sustainable forever. It's ridiculously similar to the way I ate growing up. It's deliciousness with lots of fresh veggies, herbs, lean proteins, plenty of good fats (olive oil, avocado, nuts, coconut oil), and the approach produces beautiful, a...

There comes a time in every semester when it's time to deliver. There are papers and presentations, prep for finals, registration for next clinic, then next semester, etc. It all seems to happen in a period of two weeks, and the pressure is palpable. This week so far I've attended a mandatory clinic competency training session, prepared for and taken an Herbs quiz, completed and presented a Nutrition paper on the Mediterranean Diet (which is super cool if you haven't already learned about it! www.oldwayspt.org has tons of info for inquiring minds), reviewed my schedule for next term, chosen three possible clinic slots (we do a lottery that gets super ugly super fast as clinic slots fill up and schedules get wonky), begun and am now prepared to complete a paper for Clinical Counseling due tomorrow (complete with presentation...) on Bipolar Disorder. Oh, and I cranked out an article, posted said article (and tailored social media posts as well) for one of my clients. N...

I just finished this book, by Jill A. Davis, and I loved it! Davis is a master character crafter, and doesn't hold punches when it comes to brutal self-awareness and exploration. She used to write for Letterman, and her style reflects a quick wit and very keen observation of human character which resonate throughout the book. It made me laugh, feel moderately to mostly uncomfortable at times, and also made me realize how intense and endless the road to ourselves really is. Oh, and it does a great job of portraying strange and wonderful friendships, a favorite topic of mine. I loved the characters, all of them, though the heroine was fabulous. This book will make you take a(nother) look at yourself, of course, but that's never bad anyway, and the story will hold you in its grip from beginning to end! Enjoy!

I spent years writing copy. Marketing copy. PR copy. Website content. Collateral copy. Social media copy. There were times when I had to dig deeply to produce words that did their jobs, granted, but mostly I could just remember my basic premise/goals/objectives and something would percolate up. Lately I've been stymied here. I've been waiting for my muse to sprinkle magic idea dust on me that will then compel me to rush to my laptop and share with you. The muse has been messin' with me, so I've decided to resort to plumbing my own depths and motivation and see what I can come up with. First, why am I doing this in the first place? When I began Desert Magnolia I desperately needed a venue for my own thoughts. Spending my career spinning and generating ideas for commercial purposes had exhausted me in some ways but offered no outlet for my creativity or my own voice. So, I started this blog. Second, once the initial euphoria of having an actual, dedicated venue o...

I grew up in a house with cats. We had boy cats and girl cats, silly cats, funny cats, serious cats, shy cats, and occasionally the mentally challenged cat because let's face it, all cats aren't Mensa level. Ahem. Anyway, their dynamics were always fun to watch, and their companionship was always just part of life. Our new kitties, Miss Liza and Mr. Jarvis, are the coolest pair of cats I've ever encountered, and they bring us great joy and many chuckles because their antics are endless and their personalities continue to develop in cool ways as they mature. Liza is the instigator of the two, the brains of the operation. She likes to shred things with her little teeth. She shreds the newspaper, anything paper that's left out and she happens to notice, small rubber soccer balls, wadded up notebook paper (that I throw for her while I'm studying), you name it..she loves shredding stuff. Her killer instinct is well-honed, and it never ceases to amaze me when I fin...

Two weeks ago I was wearing sweats around the house, which averaged 62 degrees, because my husband had turned on the air conditioner (which means no more heat for the summer, which usually works out just fine) so I would be comfortable while he was away on his annual backpacking trip. It had been in the 80s and edging its way up, so I completely supported his efforts to provide coolness in our casa. But then it did what it can do in this odd place, and a cold front blew in, dropping tons of snow on the Colorado mountains and dustings in our city as well. No kidding. But, as fronts do, it passed, wending its way across the midwest and wreaking havoc in the form of thunderstorms with hail, which is always ridiculous. And now we're in the high 90s and edging up. No, we don't have humidity to speak of, which is a plus. I think we were at 6% yesterday. But hot is hot, and we are now in that place where frying an egg on the top of a car (though why anyone would DO that is ...

Last weekend our baby girl graduated from college. She walked. She crossed the stage, gripped the hand of the President of the University, smiled, grabbed her diploma, and stepped down. Then she walked back to her seat, past us, where her very proud Daddy shot numerous pictures of her smiling face. During the 2.5 hour ceremony images from her childhood streamed through my thoughts like a precious chronology of her life to date. Her absolutely disarming smile. Her baby coos, and belly laughs. Her first steps, then words..so many words as they tumbled from her tiny mouth. Her love for her brother, and his care for her. He protected her fiercely from harm, but always did his best to conceal his efforts lest she actually know how much he loved her. Her soccer, her passion, her thoughts on ever more complex life issues. Her love for touch, for hugs, for head tickles and snuggling. Her passion for competition. Her academic development. Her deep compassion and natural nurturing instincts...

When it gets around to precipitating in the high desert, it can go a little overboard. We don't often get the gentle, soaking rains that last for hours and replenish the earth with fresh, clean, nourishing water. Instead we get the gully washers that prompt streams to overflow, streets to become rivers, and plants to hang on for dear life on any sloping ground-the ensuing runoff will threaten even the heartiest of root systems following one of these deluges. Yesterday afternoon marked one such event, and from what I can tell our roses were pummeled by hail, the ground is very wet, and GG's decision to wait one more week to plant the seedlings was a solid one. In the southern part of the state big flooding happened. The morning news showed main street in a small town completely flooded..and vehicles sitting up to their axles in water. Nothing gentle about these climes, yes? It's all or nothing, most days.

Another term has begun, bringing with it the normal chaos. There are more/different books to order, supplies to obtain, glitches to address/resolve, and the need to organize like crazy to ensure all goes smoothly and nothing drops. Nothing. Challenges this term include wrangling my most intense class load yet - 18 hrs. - and managing to consult enough to put food on the table. Expected high points include flying to RI next week to attend my girl's college graduation and generally enjoy a weekend AWAY from this one horse town in which I find myself for increasingly long stretches of time due to school and limited finances. A girl who's in grad school and working as much as possible but earning a bare minimum doesn't just fly away for week long getaways anymore. I think that luxury will remain elusive until such point, after graduation, as I've managed to pass my boards, get a license to practice, and have built a practice to the point of making a living. I don...

The English language continues to morph over time. Cultural attitudes, technology, political events - they all play into a constantly evolving lexicon from which we draw. One of my big concerns revolves around the truncation of words and the deliberate absence of punctuation in texts, a phenom that I've also seen leaking into personal emails..and that makes me shiver. Using appropriate style for different venues makes sense, I just wonder where the line will be drawn, if it will be drawn at all or if our more formal missives will eventually resemble stream of consciousness flows of words sans commas and parens and periods and such. Will it all become like a bad homage to e e cummings with the added twist of no instructions for how to weight or pace, and therefore truly understand written thoughts? Will we end up masters of poetic interpretation in spite of our notable avoidance of iambic pentameter or haiku structure? I am a language lover, and spent far too many hours studying...

This week marks one of two between terms. I plan to work as much as possible, relax a bit, regroup a lot, and generally catch my breath after the maelstrom of the last semester. I am coming off the emotional high of having my daughter home for a few days - she decided to surprise us and spent Easter weekend here. It was a birthday gift to her dad and me, and we are both absolutely delighted she decided to make the trek.  We watched movies, we hung out and said a lot and sometimes absolutely nothing, we ate wonderful meals and basically basked in being together again. She left very early this morning, and is almost home. She is, by now, on a train between Boston and Providence, and will be back in her apartment before the sun sets. She faces the final weeks of her college career, interviews with potential employers, final exams, and of course the nonstop celebration that Seniors enjoy as they face a very scary future - the unknown - and leave the relative safety of college life...

Whenever I get into a weird emotional space I step back and count my blessings, of which there are a multitude. My daughter is about to graduate from a really good college, and it appears her prospects are growing. My son is gainfully employed by the university from which he graduated, in an international location, and besides being busier than he'd like most days, he's thriving, gaining valuable skills and is afforded opportunities most people twice his age haven't enjoyed. I know this, because I am twice his age. :) My husband is healthy and sassy and appears to adore me even after 26 years in the trenches with me. For this I am eternally grateful. I am on a path of my own creation, one on which I am immersed in the study of a 5000 year old medicine and am stretching my intellectual self to, and beyond, limits most days. My marketing consulting work is going well, though I would like to have a few more clients so that when the ebbs happen, which they do, they w...

Yes, I know I don't smoke, but if I did it would be clove cigarettes because I love the way they smell. And, truth be told, in my earlier days, like waaaay back when I lived in San Diego and hung out with the yachting set, I enjoyed an occasional clove cig. I know, I'm not proud of this but there it is. And the dirty martini? Love those no matter what, and feel like the end of another set of midterms warrants enjoying one of those very chilly, very satisfying adult beverages. I would enjoy both of these while wearing a daringly cut gown that showed off my assets and made me feel like a 40's film starlet. I'd be in a dark bar, jazz music playing, purple velvet cushions on lounge chairs, quiet conversation happening, and a sense of sophistication and romance flavoring the entire scene. That is where my head goes after stress. That is where it's always gone after stress. Does that mean I'm one of those people who's living in an era outside of where...

The only thing we never get enough of is love; and the only thing we never give enough of is love. Henry Miller On this day dedicated to the celebration of love, I find myself pondering the meaning of that ethereal, sometimes surreal phenomenon that sustains and enriches and forces us to delve deeper into ourselves than we'd ever thought possible. What is love, exactly? It is what allows us to connect, to resonate with another, to find respite from the universe's seemingly endless onslaught. It is what makes us want to be better, to be stronger, more present, more available for another. It is what grows within us and blossoms when we least expect it, what evolves from fresh green sprout-like origins and matures into strong, supple, deep-rooted vines. The aging like fine wine analogy works well here, too. The people I love, and who love me, make me believe in the absolute connection that exists between all of us and everything in our universe. Love engenders hope, ...

2013 brought great personal change, and with it the angst that accompanies big movement for me. At the time of said change, I was focused upon navigating the details of the moment, and didn't have a bird's eye view of the situation yet, but now I do. What I see now is the culmination of one set of dreams and aspirations. In many ways an identity I'd worn for decades was shifting, and though it's not completely gone, the morph continues. The ballsy, outspoken, highly effusive, strategic minded marketing exec of old is waning, much like a sun sets into an endless ocean. She's still there, but she's no longer front and center, she's more the supporting cast in a play about personal evolution and releasing passions long dormant and facing fears deep and cold and, to be honest, occasionally paralyzing. Marketing and PR Me is becoming Healer Me. My confidence and bluster are still there, in the marketing arena, but rising is the humble, grateful, awestruck ...

Our kitty hunt netted many super cute little snuggly bugs from which to choose, but in the end we chose a brother and sister from the same litter. They are nuts. They are kitty crazy. They melt my heart and made me realize just how much I missed having a feline companion around. Liza and Jarvis taking a nap Jarvis loving the butterfly toy..and Liza watching... Sunny window sills..gotta love them for a morning romp Silliness in the form of kitties is its own brand of hilarity, and we're spending quite a lot of time just relaxing and getting to know our new family members. Jarvis is funny and sweet and outgoing. He even lets us pet him, and if we insist, snuggle him up. Liza is skittish and tries to avoid contact with us, but follows us around so we know she loves us and will warm up eventually. We're using some tricks to socialize her, so hopefully we can help her relax and enjoy her devoted humans. It's good to have goofy energy in our house ...