Skip to main content

Self discovery, and no it's not 'an empty nest thing' per se

The quintessential crisis surrounding my daughter's departure for college has begun to calm down.

My life has undergone serious scrutiny, as happens in these cases, and for the most part I find myself happy and fulfilled.

To be quite honest, I've been so incredibly blessed I feel guilty. Which means that when I began to listen to a quiet, yet insistent, voice which urged me to explore my next big personal growth direction, I felt like I was playing with fire.

I mean, how happy can one person be in a lifetime?

And then I snapped out of it, and decided to heed the voice..that was encouraging me to view myself ten years down the road and decide if what I saw pleased me, or if making adjustments and maybe adding to my life in one way or another made sense.

Turns out, I want to do more. And I want to do it by studying Oriental Medicine. The whole banana- acupuncture and herbs, to eventually become a practitioner.

I say eventually because I've decided to tackle this on top of what I'm doing now. I love my work, and have a big commitment to uphold here, a commitment I fully intend to fulfill. So the Oriental medicine is in addition.

Gulp.

Cut to me gathering transcripts, letters of recommendation, writing my own essay, filling out reams of paperwork (online and for real), etc. Then cut to an interview, the 'official' interview, that honestly...left me feeling unsure of my viability as a candidate.

So when we took off on our grand adventure I had done everything I could possibly have done, and now had to wait for word. Which I wouldn't get until I returned because they would send me a letter, acceptance or rejection, in the mail. A letter which would sit for days and days while I flew all over the world.

It turns out they decided to use more modern methods of communication in my case, so when I landed in the U.S., and fired up my BlackBerry, it blew up. Full of voicemails from the school, congratulating me on my acceptance into the program, and laying out next steps. Which were all urgent, of course.

Holy crap. They let me in! (Seriously, I wasn't sure, I just wasn't.)

I'm now a student again. And am registered for my first semester. And have ordered books. And supplies. And such.

Honestly, at this juncture, considering all that has gone into this decision and series of events that have led to this moment? I'm going to focus on finding the perfect book bag and do some light reading this weekend because from here on out, shit is going to get serious.

For about 5 years, at least.

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

On Mondays. And lots of rules.

Mondays can be a challenge. There's the whole shock to the system of waking up and realizing it's not the weekend anymore, which kind of blows. And then the jolt out of the lazy flow of the weekend into the time-focused 'gotta be at the office by x time, gotta get ready for the company meeting, gotta check emails/deadlines to ensure nothing is on fire' stuff. And then the reality of settling into the week...and knowing that this one will be a full one. They all seem to be. This week for me: Work. Lots of good stuff going on, but 'lots' being the watchword. School. 2nd trimester starts. Tomorrow a.m. So tomorrow for me is school, 9-12; work 1230-430; clinic 5-9. Long day, Tuesday. For this I've washed and pressed my lab coat, cleaned out my tote (it is truly amazing what collects during a trimester in terms of used kleenexes, abandoned index cards, folded notes that were important at some point but now are just extra weight, stale snacks, etc.), and ...
Post a Comment
Read more

It might have been the moon

 The second Super Moon, also a Harvest Moon, just happened. On the same night I had my mini-meltdown. (see prior post). I've talked with several friends who reported intense emotions, mostly around stuff that needs to be released, resolved. When I think about my angst, and how intense it felt, I realize it was all about that kind of stuff. Old stuff, patterns, thinking, habits. So maybe the moon precipitated things. The bubbling up of angst and anger and icky stuff lasted all that night, but had calmed by yesterday morning. Thank gawd, because that was a morass of darkness, the likes of which I haven't experienced in at least a decade. The rest of the weekend has been pleasant. Uneventful. Full of errands, chores, a really nice walk this morning, yummy food, naps, etc. The one thing about energy that feels constant is that no mood lasts forever. Energy continually shifts and morphs, like the Universe knows too much, too long, of any one sentiment just isn't a good idea for ...
Post a Comment
Read more

The run

I have the body of a sprinter, but always ran long distance. My wind would stabilize, my muscles would synchronize, my mind would clear...at about mile 2.5 and just improve after that. For decades I ran. My high school P. E. teacher, Ms. Vidano, instilled the love of the run, and it remains to this day, long past when I should endeavor to tread the roads for miles and miles. The run sustained me after my (very early life) divorce. The run helped reconnect with a childhood friend, who had ventured far for college but returned for work, and who found me enjoying a post-work cigarette and glass of wine on my balcony one night and said, 'Oh, no, this isn't right. Put that fucking thing out. I'll be here in the morning. We're going shopping, and we're going running.' Loved that. He was right, and he was awesome, and he got me back out of a trench and into my running love zone. Then I met my now love, my man of many years, father of my children, partner in ...
Post a Comment
Read more