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I just got my ass kicked by a very smart Chinese man with a lot of letters behind his name

Said ass kicker dealt up my first exam in 14 years. And it was hard. And I made some stupid mistakes, got some hard stuff right, and had to talk myself off a panic attack ledge at least twice, which made me forget stuff I know, but couldn't access.

I walked out of that exam feeling disappointed, mostly in myself. For not being clever enough to anticipate what the prof was going to throw at us. For not intuiting his style prior to our first exam. For not having a photofuckingraphic memory so the stuff that was on that table he told us we didn't need to study but that he put on the exam anyway? Would have already been automatically saved in my brain and it wouldn't have been a biggie.

Overall, I'd say if I wasn't as old, experienced and determined as I am? I'd be second guessing my decision. But I'm old, experienced, and determined and will figure out what I did wrong, learn it right, and move on.

Cuz that's how it works when you're a grown up.

Mostly...
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