Tired

Months into this, I find myself just...bone tired. 

Tired of the conversations. 

Tired of the reality of daily fear layered over the reality of yearning for a quality life. 

Tired of the politicization of a terrible health crisis. 

Tired of the buildup to an election, the results of which hold our futures in balance - darkness and light are at work, this time. 

Tired from being upbeat and supportive and so very very positive with each of my patients each and every treatment, day after day. 

Tired from an endless summer of oppressive heat, big wind, very little rain. 

Tired of being tired. 

 I really really want to take a deep breath, awaken one morning without the crashing realization, a few seconds after waking, that life is super complicated, rather dangerous, and without many of the simple opportunities I've come to take so much for granted. 

I want to be able to hug freely, meet casually, feel a sense of lightness, and gather in casual or chic or fun or any fucking setting I feel like, without concern. 

We'll get there again, I know this in my heart of hearts. I know we'll find a new normal, and that we'll thrive. I know that. 

But right now, at this moment, in spite of my absolute faith in humanity, I am tired.