Desert Magnolia

It's finally here, the final stretch to graduation. How will that change my daily life? I will not be commuting to Santa Fe four days a week. Total time spent each week in the car, 12 hours. That number can be bigger if there is a wreck, which there, sadly, often is. I will not be worried about random points being taken off of projects for reasons defying logic. I will not be avoiding the constant drama that seems to surround the students with whom I attend Oriental Medical school.  There is insanity at the highest levels which filters down into the lives of students, who really just want to study the medicine and not be charged for every.single.little thing, at a premium. I will not be second guessing myself on a daily basis in terms of how I look at, practice and honor this medicine. (I will always want to be the very best practitioner I can, so I will hold myself to the highest standards, which involves constant review of decisions...but not second guessing.) I will...

As I age, as I continue to move through this lovely and crazy life, I realize that knowing oneself is the most challenging of all feats. We are born in ourselves, and from that point on depart from the known into everyone else's version of reality. We spend our childhoods developing simple skills, then teen years surviving our hormones, then young adult years moving through whatever awaits us after secondary school. Some of us go on to college. Some of us work, do things other people think we should do, then eventually give up on our dreams.  Some of us do that, then decide 'Fuck that', and do what we need to do anyway. Some of us bloom early. Some of us bloom later. Some of us remain buds (in the floral sense) for our entire lives. For those that manage to bloom, wowza. For those that remain buds, all is not lost. There will be a time when blooming will happen. Some of us are blessed with enormous amounts of energy that help us power through. Some of us are ...

Nobody sleeps during a full moon. During Cosmo's moon, there was sex. During harvest moons, there is, well, celebration of harvest. And during this crazy moon we've been experiencing over the last few days? Planets are aligning in ways they haven't in 70 years, nobody seems to be getting any sleep, and boy is there energy to spare in the air. It's Summer Solstice 2016, and boy it's a doozy. It's so hot, so energetic, that we've all just kind of given in and are hoping we can make it through to a calmer and cooler place, hopefully soon. I saw some clouds today above the Sangre De Cristos. I wanted to get out of my car, shimmy around and do a really happy, very provocative rain dance. Provocative to the rain, that is. I'm pretty much too damned hot and too damned stressed to get jiggy with it in a Bahamian, let's drink some rum and celebrate life like hedonists, ok? kind of way. Just sayin'. Stay cool, get jiggy if it works for y...

It has decided to be summer now, after weeks of fluctuating between cool and cooler.... The A/C is on high. I am trying to study, but really don't want to ...due to a general weightiness that has settled over me, no doubt the heat is just slowing me down for the moment. So, instead of pressing through and forcing myself to do something I don't really have the energy to do right now I am honoring my state of mind and just relaxing a little.... I have begun serious study for my BioMed exam, and reviewing the material is making me realize that I have in fact learned a great deal during my journey through this program, but more importantly is I have begun to look at things, all things, differently.  I am not sure when it began, the shift to this new view, but it has taken hold and infuses my being with an appreciation for the beauty and complexity of life, of the human body, of the human condition, of the universe in general. I have learned facts and data, I have examined ca...

This was a weekend of visiting. We hosted a dinner for visiting family from California, then attended a dinner at which a visiting Mama from Germany was the guest of honor. The weekend was mellow and the weather was lovely, and the the entire thing passed far too quickly, as they tend to do. One conversation with a friend revolved around why we do what we do, and what seems to be our tipping point from contemplating a change to actually acting on it. (This woman is remarkable, and has ascended in corporate ranks within the health care community with astonishing speed and great success, and she is familiar with striving well beyond expected levels to pursue goals.) She looked pointedly at me when this came up, and she said, 'Well, what did it for you? What process did you undergo that catalyzed a life changing series of decisions about going to grad school and reinventing yourself midlife?' I thought about it for a moment, before I responded. 'My decision to study med...

When I was a little girl I spent time with my aunts while my Mom was off doing Mom things, like finishing up college and working. During times with the Aunties, things could get weird. They too were in college and used me for a guinea pig for all kinds of silly behavior tests. My reward was usually raisins, which I loved. My youngest Aunt, during this era, had a really sweet boyfriend who then became her husband but whom she eventually divorced  because he was 'just not motivated enough when it came to the important things.'  I'm not sure what that meant, since he was an artist and became a CPA to support his art habit, but my aunt eventually divorced him, which broke all of our hearts because we loved him. He was awesome. And he was much nicer, most days, than my aunt, but let's not get into that. Also, may he rest in peace. He somehow ended up with brain cancer, and he passed a couple of years ago. The world lost a sweet and gentle spirit when he left, and I ho...

I have already shared how hard it is for me to focus in the Spring. I am a Spring baby, therefore that's the time when I feel extra alive, super energized, and very, very happy. The hyacinths, they are blooming. We have two right now - a glorious pink and a lovely purple. They both embody the essence of floral...their fragrance makes my cells sing and an enormous smile appear on my face. Focusing on mundane tasks like studying or sitting in class for hours on end...feels like a terrible waste of the gloriousness of this season. Just sayin. Hugs,  Stevie