Now that I think about it, I should have labeled this post, The Clog Before the Flow, or something existential like that.
Let me explain.
During the course of my training, to date, I've noticed some interesting things about myself.
Like, I am learning to allow myself to be part of a much bigger effort, which will result in me being a practitioner of Oriental Medicine at some future point. I've never really been a part of something like this- it's strange and intense and interesting and hard and changes every single student in fundamental ways, I'm told.
Like, my perfectionism (under relative control compared to a decade ago, I have to say), while a positive considering medicine is full of details and nobody wants to be imperfect...can cause problems. The sheer volume of information that's being shoved into my brain, and the short time period in which this is happening (ie every semester...tons and tons and tons of new stuff), makes perfectionism an impossibility. I know, right? Really? Yes. It's about stepping back a little...devising some kind of viable study/retention strategy and using it. And learning as absolutely much as absolutely well as possible. Which isn't 100%, but it's close. And perfection isn't really happening, though solid performance across the board is, which I guess is ok, too.
Like, right before a critical breakthrough of understanding either with the medicine in general or a particular aspect of it, I feel a pressure...almost tangible..in my bones, in my brain, in my body..everywhere....that builds and builds and feels like it's heavy and dense and like a molasses-y, medical facts blob. And right about the point when I cry (or sometimes right afterwards, as it turns out), the sensation shifts to one of assimilation....where the clog breaks, the concepts distribute somewhere they're supposed to be instead of in the molasses mass, and a sense of peace descends upon me.
I'm told this process I'm describing is par for the course, that the journey through this course of study really does change you. That you are forced to discover things about yourself you never knew or would have explored. That you grow and become something much stronger, more holistic, more self-aware.....
Needless to say that didn't get conveyed in any pre-program meetings, any higher level discussions with administration during application and review.
What I can say is I have never been so damned uncomfortable for so long, ever in my life, and loved it so much.
Which tells me this path I'm on? This strange and twisty, lovely and enlightening, educational and soul-bending path...is exactly where I need to be.
Let me explain.
During the course of my training, to date, I've noticed some interesting things about myself.
Like, I am learning to allow myself to be part of a much bigger effort, which will result in me being a practitioner of Oriental Medicine at some future point. I've never really been a part of something like this- it's strange and intense and interesting and hard and changes every single student in fundamental ways, I'm told.
Like, my perfectionism (under relative control compared to a decade ago, I have to say), while a positive considering medicine is full of details and nobody wants to be imperfect...can cause problems. The sheer volume of information that's being shoved into my brain, and the short time period in which this is happening (ie every semester...tons and tons and tons of new stuff), makes perfectionism an impossibility. I know, right? Really? Yes. It's about stepping back a little...devising some kind of viable study/retention strategy and using it. And learning as absolutely much as absolutely well as possible. Which isn't 100%, but it's close. And perfection isn't really happening, though solid performance across the board is, which I guess is ok, too.
Like, right before a critical breakthrough of understanding either with the medicine in general or a particular aspect of it, I feel a pressure...almost tangible..in my bones, in my brain, in my body..everywhere....that builds and builds and feels like it's heavy and dense and like a molasses-y, medical facts blob. And right about the point when I cry (or sometimes right afterwards, as it turns out), the sensation shifts to one of assimilation....where the clog breaks, the concepts distribute somewhere they're supposed to be instead of in the molasses mass, and a sense of peace descends upon me.
I'm told this process I'm describing is par for the course, that the journey through this course of study really does change you. That you are forced to discover things about yourself you never knew or would have explored. That you grow and become something much stronger, more holistic, more self-aware.....
Needless to say that didn't get conveyed in any pre-program meetings, any higher level discussions with administration during application and review.
What I can say is I have never been so damned uncomfortable for so long, ever in my life, and loved it so much.
Which tells me this path I'm on? This strange and twisty, lovely and enlightening, educational and soul-bending path...is exactly where I need to be.
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