Wormholes, sure. But time, time is a uniquely human construct designed to pacify humans and give us a concrete concept to hold onto in this sea of continuity that is the universe.
This, among other declarations, was made during a rare and welcome conversation with an old, dear friend of mine who has, unexpectedly and repeatedly during our friendship, stepped up and simply listened when I had something to share.
Sometimes these sharings have been serious, sometimes dire, sometimes silly, sometimes they've been about simply having lunch OUT.
But this time, this was a doozie. The last fortnight has revealed some most unpleasant realities, including but certainly not limited to my learning that our dear family dentist of 30+ years has progressive lung disease and must retire to better care for himself and be on oxygen more of the time.
I've also learned that my ex is suffering from the same condition-COPD.
Yes, they both smoked for many years in spite of being intelligent and rational human beings.
But they are paying the ultimate price, aren't they? And I'm discovering I'm pissed.
My friend pointed out my most pissed offness is originating from my hatred of Death. From my knowing that no matter what relief they may obtain from acupuncture or other treatments, which may help a bit with related symptoms, they will die. And that death will be unkind and prolonged and not pleasant.
I apologize for not being more current. I sort of shut down upon hearing these pieces of news.
Seriously, when it rains it pours, yes?
So now it's time to deal. To help where possible, and to know that it may be a really great time to explore just how I feel about life and death and essentially look deep again to find some solace where none may present itself.
After my dad died I experienced profound grief, followed by a hollowness that took years to abate. And during my process I experienced peace when I least expected it. I saw my dad in dreams, and each time I saw him he looked younger, more rested, and happier than I ever remember seeing him. The deep hollows under his eyes and that haunted look had disappeared and he began to resemble the young, handsome man he once was.
I interpreted this to mean that there is a connection between our world and the one beyond, and I found great solace in knowing that there was more, in the biggest sense of the word. That there was a connection between now and after..that helped me. A lot. And then I heard my Dad's voice in a dream where I didn't see him, but heard him. And he had a distinctive voice, deep and loud and oh so uniquely Dad. This gave me more peace, and for that I was thankful.
And I don't recall losing any of that, really. But as I consider the future of my friend the dentist, and my ex, for whom I hold no ill feelings, (we just were very different people heading in polar opposite directions and marriage was not the answer for us), I'm really pissed.
Basically, I suck at dealing with mortality. And suck even worse at dealing with grief.
My friend MT, who's in the field and knows these things, tells me the best thing to do is keep on getting up every day and moving forward. And that distractions are ok, as long as we recognize them for what they are.
So back to the construct of no time...perhaps holding onto that idea will help me here? I'm guessing not so much, but a girl's gotta cling from time to time, and if that means holding onto a scientific premise that holds to nonlinear thinking, then so be it.
This, among other declarations, was made during a rare and welcome conversation with an old, dear friend of mine who has, unexpectedly and repeatedly during our friendship, stepped up and simply listened when I had something to share.
Sometimes these sharings have been serious, sometimes dire, sometimes silly, sometimes they've been about simply having lunch OUT.
But this time, this was a doozie. The last fortnight has revealed some most unpleasant realities, including but certainly not limited to my learning that our dear family dentist of 30+ years has progressive lung disease and must retire to better care for himself and be on oxygen more of the time.
I've also learned that my ex is suffering from the same condition-COPD.
Yes, they both smoked for many years in spite of being intelligent and rational human beings.
But they are paying the ultimate price, aren't they? And I'm discovering I'm pissed.
My friend pointed out my most pissed offness is originating from my hatred of Death. From my knowing that no matter what relief they may obtain from acupuncture or other treatments, which may help a bit with related symptoms, they will die. And that death will be unkind and prolonged and not pleasant.
I apologize for not being more current. I sort of shut down upon hearing these pieces of news.
Seriously, when it rains it pours, yes?
So now it's time to deal. To help where possible, and to know that it may be a really great time to explore just how I feel about life and death and essentially look deep again to find some solace where none may present itself.
After my dad died I experienced profound grief, followed by a hollowness that took years to abate. And during my process I experienced peace when I least expected it. I saw my dad in dreams, and each time I saw him he looked younger, more rested, and happier than I ever remember seeing him. The deep hollows under his eyes and that haunted look had disappeared and he began to resemble the young, handsome man he once was.
I interpreted this to mean that there is a connection between our world and the one beyond, and I found great solace in knowing that there was more, in the biggest sense of the word. That there was a connection between now and after..that helped me. A lot. And then I heard my Dad's voice in a dream where I didn't see him, but heard him. And he had a distinctive voice, deep and loud and oh so uniquely Dad. This gave me more peace, and for that I was thankful.
And I don't recall losing any of that, really. But as I consider the future of my friend the dentist, and my ex, for whom I hold no ill feelings, (we just were very different people heading in polar opposite directions and marriage was not the answer for us), I'm really pissed.
Basically, I suck at dealing with mortality. And suck even worse at dealing with grief.
My friend MT, who's in the field and knows these things, tells me the best thing to do is keep on getting up every day and moving forward. And that distractions are ok, as long as we recognize them for what they are.
So back to the construct of no time...perhaps holding onto that idea will help me here? I'm guessing not so much, but a girl's gotta cling from time to time, and if that means holding onto a scientific premise that holds to nonlinear thinking, then so be it.
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