Desert Magnolia

I shit you not. I'm that superficial. But you know this. I mean, we all know I go for pedicures or manicures or do something different with my hair just to distract and/or reward myself when life gets dicey. Understated, yes? Apparently, when it gets really dicey? I decide to splurge on the crazy red bordello-ish ensemble I've been drooling over for months now. Before you jump to conclusions about my taste, know I tend to go to extremes. It's either Zen minimalism or whorehouse red jacquard. I think we know which extreme I'm at right now. One thing is true, though. I give you all plenty to work with. You've GOT to give me credit for that. You're welcome.

The Middle East is in turmoil. Again. It happens with great regularity, and this time there's a multi-country momentum building that's probably going to change the face of the region. New leaders. New government. Less oppression, more freedom. At least that's the goal. The journey may be rough. Projections are all tentative, but at this point unrest of this magnitude is expected to take years, yes years, to resolve/settle. Some even predict a generation for a democracy to take hold, if that is indeed how Egypt goes. Which would be awesome, but I bring Western perspective to it, and as a friend shared with me this morning, Ted Koppel once said that 'Democracy is like toilet paper in the Middle East. You use it once, then you're done with it.' That said, my first born is over there. In a 'safe' zone, at least for the moment, but when it comes to the Middle East and safe zones and all that? I don't have a lot of faith that everyone will ke...

Color me consistent, but color me boring when it comes to things I want to focus on in my life. Does this repetition mean I'm just not making enough progress, in my mind? Does this mean I'm just really focused and have figured out that if I do more yoga and meditate and try to balance and to just 'be' in every moment life will improve? Duh. The weird thing is I'm happy. I'm adjusting to my empty nest, or at least as well as can be expected given the short time it's been empty-ish. Work is fine. I have a bit of a need to stretch and volunteer for something I'm passionate about, and am working on that. So I guess what I'm saying is I seem to always want to work on the same stuff, year after year, 'epiphany' after 'epiphany'. Have I stagnated, or am I just in a good place? I'm not really sure, but I'm pretty sure that if I was I wouldn't be bothered about shit like this.

View from up high on campus It snowed. Again. A lot... Daughter is enjoying hot chocolate, hanging out and may in the very near future instigate a massive snowball fight. What's not to loooooooooooooooove about that???

Photo borrowed from: http://mathildasweirdworldweblog.wordpress.com/ Cairo. (Before the protests that began this week.) Pyramids. The Sphinx. My son and five of his friends. Horses. Camels. Awesome food. Picture riding toward the pyramids at a gallop on a beautiful horse. Picture how...amazing and memorable that would be. In a life sense. My son, well, he just did that. Got to ride to the pyramids on a beautiful horse. Across the desert. The trip back to town was on a camel and we all know how slow they are. And they spit. And the ride is really lurchy. But that didn't even matter at that point, because he was still elated by his horseback ride. He's decided to do more horseback riding. He used to, then he stopped, but now he's hooked again. That's kind of how it works. They studied the monuments, basked in the history, then enjoyed dinners in rather sketchy yet mostly cool parts of Cairo at the recommendation of locals. His timing was fabulou...

When I recently got my new contacts, I struggled constantly and mightily with a feeling that something wasn't working quite right, kind of like I was over correcting a problem with the contact choices my doc and I had made. Said overcorrection resulted in constantly seeking the clear distance for documents, my laptop, and even people with whom I was chatting. Really got old fast. My eye doc, upon issuing eye Rx, said my brain would adjust. Well it did, kinda, but didn't like the result. Which made me not want to wear my contacts at.all. Which was not helping my quality of life, or my sense of well being. I was pissed, frustrated, and mostly sad that something was amiss. But then we had a dinner party. And one of our friends, upon hearing the story of the Ginormous Eyeglass and Contact Lens Acquisition of 2010 laughed and told us the story of how she used to wear just one contact lens. And that it worked perfectly. I thought about this for a few days, then decided ...

So on Friday as we're hustling around getting ready for the follow up with the surgeon, Daughter gets a funny look on her face as she looks at her phone and curses. "Mom, can you believe this? I'm here in the 60 degree desert and it snowed last night in Providence. It's a snow day at school! I could be having a snowball fight with my friends right now but nooooooooooo I'm headed for another f'in doctor's appointment for my damned knee. How do these things happen???" Um, gee, maybe the universe made a decision and you weren't consulted? I don't know. Sheesh.

Tuesday was a blur, one that began at 0430. Fast shower, grabbing coffee and a muffin, then rousing Daughter so she could wash her face and brush her teeth prior to procedure. Fast forward to 1100 a.m. We pull into the driveway, Daughter crutches her way into the house, and proclaims it a day to sleep. Really sleep. Surgeon did some work in that knee of hers. Cleaned out a ton of scar tissue (apparently she has a body that really likes to make it...), trimmed her meniscus, and shaved away some bone that had grown a little more aggressively than anticipated. This equates to taking a roto rooter to the interior of the knee and letting it run amok for about a half hour. She's bruised, sore (understatement), but relieved relieved that she wasn't imagining what she felt going on in there. She knew something was amiss, and this proved it. So now she heals, then slowly begins to resume her soccer training. Tomorrow we visit the surgeon for a post op, and for specific instr...

As part of her holiday To Do list, Daughter had an appointment with her knee surgeon for her one year post op assessment. Assessment revealed a strange clicking sound and minor discomfort that had begun about Thanksgiving. Which then necessitated an MRI. Which then resulted in surgeon thinking it best to 'go in with a scope, clean things up, take a look around and deal with a pesky meniscus while we're at it.' Said cleanup occurs very early tomorrow morning. Daughter is in good spirits and in fact has professed relief at her surgeon agreeing that something was a little wonky in that ol knee. So, today I'm at the office until I can no longer focus (which I predict will be somewhere around lunch), and then I'll head out, stop for a grocery/percocet comfort supply loadup, then head home. Tuneups can be wonderful, and in this case it is clearly the best thing to do. She's missing a week of school, but has emailed her profs who will certainly understand that ...

I am, by nature a positive human being. If I was a dog, I'd probably be a standard poodle. I'm highly energetic, though my hair is only wavy, not tightly curled, but I'm a glass half full kind of person. Most days. Today, well, not so much. I realized just now that I'm heavy-hearted and struggling for a deep breath today. Because tomorrow would have been my Dad's birthday. He would be 72. But he's not here, and even after almost 13 years without him, I miss him. Very, very much. He was, an amazing person. Gifted and artistic and he had the most amazing ginormous heart in the entire universe. He loved us all with a passion that astounded, with a nurturing that kept us all safe and emotionally bolstered. And he let us know at every single opportunity how much he loved us. Every opportunity. When he died an enormous chunk of my heart died with him. For the first time in my life I realized what it was to live without the person who demonstrated absol...

Happy Thursday, everyone! Nope, it's not quite Spring yet, but sometimes a girl's gotta get a new 'do. Or in this case this girl's gotta get a new blog header. You know what I mean. Thank you LP! You rock. I love the artistic approach..it's soft but nice and still says, 'Enter here at your own risk, for opinions of a strong nature are sure to be expressed.' That's how I see it, anyway.

It is never too late to be what you might have been. George Eliot As you believe, so you become. As you become, so you believe. Unknown For the mind to flower it has to go beyond what it knows. Mother Meera

Go ahead, shake your head. Chuckle. Roll your eyes. I get it. Everyone is writing a book. This one, for me, is about healing. It came about as a means for me to deal with a huge fight with a dear friend. Who left town before we'd resolved the issue. And basically broke my heart in the process. The back story? Well, I'm kind of embarrassed to admit it now, but it's about me not listening to the request of my friend, doing what I wanted to anyway, then having what he was afraid of happen actually happen, then me being very contrite and sad and remorseful and him not caring in the end and him saying 'I fucking told you so' and me crying and then him moving away. Being the mature person that I am, I carried the pain around and let it fester for awhile. A long while, until I could no longer contain it. It demanded release. One night, sipping a glass of wine, I sat down at my computer, opened up my word processor, and began to write. And write and write...

As I look back over the last couple of weeks, I realize how much we actually did . And yet, I feel relaxed and ready for the New Year, energized for work's demands and generally in a very centered and good place. I've had some thoughts about how to live this new year, which include but aren't limited to: Manage stress better. Spend more time outdoors. Really outdoors, like hiking. In the mountains. And cycling, with the road bike. And mountain biking, with the...you get my drift. Do more yoga. Mediate regularly. Be kinder to myself on all levels. Be even more present in every single moment. To say our holiday was great would be a gross understatement.   It was a celebration of family, an intensely enjoyable time to just be in moments doing all kinds of things including but not limited to: Making pierrogies. Annual event involving MIL, SIL, BIL, all my fam, nieces, and lots of eggs, cottage cheese, flour, boiling water and folding folding folding.......