Desert Magnolia

Or, and much more eloquently stated: “Believe nothing, no matter where you read it or who has said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense.” –Buddha Recently I've begun to trust my inner voice, my intuition, my instincts..whatever you want to call that gentle guide that is so often, if you're me, hushed by the 'logical' side of our mind. Logic is overrated. I mean, it comes in handy for legal arguments (sometimes), and for justifying certain purchases that mean you spend to save, and that kind of thing, but mostly, it's overrated. The most insightful, creative, and yes, HAPPY people I know refuse to rely solely upon logic to make life's decisions. Instead they embrace that they know a lot, and they trust in that knowledge. Can I say that having reached the mid-century point, I  have accumulated experience that reaches across all aspects of life. Relationships. Work. School. Parenting. Writing. Loving. Diplomacy. Bullshi...

Right here is where I need to be, I suppose, but I have to say, I'm having a hard time being right where I am most given moments. It's like when I'm at school I'm worried about work. And when I'm at work I'm worried about studying. And in both places I'm hoping I'm managing to be a decent spouse, mother, and friend. Most days, I'm just not sure anymore, though I'm trying my best. I worry that my execution isn't as smooth, anywhere, as it should be. I feel like I'm much more than I've ever been, but less defined than I'm accustomed to being. It's like giving birth to oneself, but being both the mother and the child. It's not scary, just odd, and like a metamorphosis is taking place, the end result of which contains enough of the unknown to be a little intimidating, but the momentum I've created is carrying me now and really all I'm doing is just going with it. At one point during childbirth with my son, the d...

Mind, Body, Green is one of my favorite websites. It's spiritual and positive and you can find all kinds of articles that resonate at that moment in time and it just resonates for me. They have one entitled: 30 Things To Do Before You Die , and I realize that I have a whole lot of stuff to work on, in fact I will never ever be bored if I choose to focus on these. And I might end up feeling a whole lot better to boot. You know that phrase, 'leave the past in the past'?  On this list it's Let go of your past. Easier said than done, yes? When I consider how much time in my life I've spent reacting to new people, relationships, opportunities based on my prior experiences, it blows me away. And it's seldom fair to the new person or relationship or opportunity that's in front of me. Ekhart Tolle believes that it is possible to absolutely positively let go of the past, to release it by being 100% present as much of the time as you can. When I first re...

The other night hubby and I were enjoying a late night glass of wine on the patio. It was cool, it was lovely, it was the first time all day it had been possible to go outside without breaking into a sweat within 5 seconds. When my husband went back inside to get the wine bottle, I saw a small creature in my peripheral vision, and of course I jumped up and then crouched to look beneath the chair it had skittered under. Which is when GG came back outside, and when he asked what I was doing. I told him I'd seen a mouse. He immediately straightened up, threw his shoulders back and said, 'I'll get the traps.' Gulp. And he did. Which he baited with peanut butter, then distributed around our yard. As he was doing this, I felt a terrible weight descend upon my shoulders. I'd outed a mouse, and not only that one, but its entire family was in danger because I couldn't keep my mouth shut. To date the traps have netted 3 mice. I sincerely hope the rest of t...

Emergency chime from Hell? Resolved. New tires mounted on big red truck? Check. Awe for my husband's tenacity and ingenuity pursuing both ends? Immeasurable.

A lot of my recent posts have focused on vehicles, something I have historically taken for granted. Not anymore. Today I'm in Olive, our aged olive green Nissan Altima who proudly bears scars of a poorly sealed paintjob prior to our ownership that has resulted in a 100% oxidized olive metallic finish now which more closely resembles ...dusty bronze than a shimmery green olive anymore. And whose odometer shows 148689 miles as of today's date. But she's been rode hard, our Olive. She currently smells musty, making me think wet things were left inside her while she was sitting in the sun. A towel perhaps? A spilled water bottle that soaked the carpet? Golf socks left under the seat for the weekend? Or, perhaps, and more likely, a combination thereof. Her leather seats are now split in places, and have been haphazardly covered with AutoZone's own seatcovers du jour...which are flimsy and have pulled up, elastic blown long ago. One lies abandoned in the back seat,...

This would be a bitch day. This would be a day without good sleep due to worrying about the future, and just who all is going to be let down by me as I pursue my education. So far the tally is astonishing, and really, just really, I wish I could view this differently. I wish I could view this amazing new path I'm on as an opportunity of a lifetime, for me, and NOT as the current largest stressor in my life. The path isn't the stressor. The stressor is knowing that though the decision to pursue Oriental Medicine was one we discussed before I jumped, the real jumping? Didn't happen at the beginning. The real jumping happens when I start to work less and do school more and really focus my efforts so I can get out of the program before the school crumbles the mandated deadline. It's already getting dicey, and I'm not sure I can withstand the blowback when real change happens. Seriously.

My son, who has spent the summer in NY working and planning with his team for next year in Abu Dhabi, is busy. He is busy because he's shouldering increasing amounts of responsibility, and is stepping up and managing it well. This has earned him two promotions in as many years, and bodes well for his future at NYU. He is buried because his former boss, who no longer works for NYU, has left a steaming pile of bureaucratic crap to clean up, and my son is the designee for said cleanup. Which speaks to his dedication and focus on the well being of the organization for which he has chosen to work. But which totally sucks when you're his Mom, and you were hoping to spend a few hours over a few days sharing time, laughs, meals, and catching up again. Cuz that's not happening now, at least until the holidays.

We have a big red truck. It's cranberry red, is a pickup, and is my way around now that my car and my daughter have departed for Rhode Island. Said pickup has 30K miles on it, is lovely to drive, and I'm finally getting used to its very long wheel base and the whole parking thing..well, mostly, anyway. Pickup also has a lovely 6 CD tray in which I've placed my current fav CDs,  and having chosen Random selection, I'm treated with a nonstop variety of music to soothe me along my daily commutes. The truck is comfy, and roomy, and has an awesome A/C, so I'm able to maintain a healthy body temperature while navigating the high desert in the summer months. But, for some reason that will be addressed ASAP when my spouse returns from his cross country trek with our daughter, the emergency brake is finicky finicky. Let me define 'finicky'. It doesn't fully release all of the time, or at least the truck doesn't think it releases. I see the pedal ...

Timeline: 1:30 a.m. this morning, Albuquerque, New Mexico. Rain! Thunder! Lightning! And that fresher than fresh smell that accompanies the rain..that sweet, lovely, moist air, mmmmmm. Confession? I dreamed through it all. All of it. I woke up to puddles on the patio, droplets dripping from the roof, sparking moisture on the plants...but I somehow managed to snooze while all of this miraculous moisture was falling. And the lightning was flashing. And the thunder was booming. Someone is grateful, but a little bit sad that she missed it. But also, really? I can't remember the last time I slept so hard I managed to ignore the heavens opening up. The daily yoga must be working. Happy 4th, friends! -Stevie