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Why does time fly when you're on break and drags when you're not?

I think it's fundamentally unfair that time can accelerate or decelerate at will. It's not a skill we humans can wrangle, but we're caught in the flow and it can be nausea inducing at times. Or just annoying, like it is right now.

Being on break between terms in a program that has decided trimesters are the be all end all? Is like coming up for just enough air after a dive to fill your lungs once before you're pushed waaaay down into the depths again.

I almost feel like I can't relax, because just when I remember what it feels like to NOT be behind, to NOT have to study, to NOT owe someone something in terms of brilliance or memorizing or constant deliverables...it'll be time to shine and regurgitate facts and deliver. Again.

As I write this, I'm reminded of PTSD stories and don't want to spend too much time considering whether the program I've undertaken is traumatizing me in some deep and dark way, and that I will emerge somehow..different, and afraid of the smell of moxa or the sound of a needle being pulled from its sterile plastic sheath.

I think I'll not spend too much time considering this, as it feels rather dark and, really, at this point? I'm in for the duration, so I'll just trade out acupuncture for analysis when I finally extract myself from this Oriental vortex into which I've plunged.

There's still this week..what remains of it anyway, and the weekend. Then it's balls out once more. Classes Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays. Clinic, Thursday evenings. Homework the rest of the time.

Good thing I'm sturdy. Good thing this is the coolest thing I've ever undertaken. (Parenting wins hands down anywhere, so I'm not diminishing it by comparing it to a career change thankyouverymuch.)

Good thing I'm a smarty pants that likes to learn things just to know them and gets to do that in a very cool academic setting.

For now, I'm going to focus on relaxing just enough....to rejuvenate, and to contemplate ways to get better at the study/performance game so that this time next term (and for subsequent terms through graduation) I can get closer to the elusive 'relaxation place' faster.

I'm a quick learner sometimes, but others? Not so much. And I can already feel that slingshot effect beginning - the one where between now and first class next week time will FLY. Literally, and I'll just hold on for dear life.


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