Desert Magnolia

I think it's fundamentally unfair that time can accelerate or decelerate at will. It's not a skill we humans can wrangle, but we're caught in the flow and it can be nausea inducing at times. Or just annoying, like it is right now. Being on break between terms in a program that has decided trimesters are the be all end all? Is like coming up for just enough air after a dive to fill your lungs once before you're pushed waaaay down into the depths again. I almost feel like I can't relax, because just when I remember what it feels like to NOT be behind, to NOT have to study, to NOT owe someone something in terms of brilliance or memorizing or constant deliverables...it'll be time to shine and regurgitate facts and deliver. Again. As I write this, I'm reminded of PTSD stories and don't want to spend too much time considering whether the program I've undertaken is traumatizing me in some deep and dark way, and that I will emerge somehow..different, ...

This has been a month chock full of mind-numbing events. First there was the whole turning 50 thing, which, in retrospect, wasn't that big of a deal at all. And we're still celebrating, really...with our Seattle trip this coming weekend. Woot! And I've taken down all of the 'you know you're old when...' posters that my husband thought were hil.arious....and the black balloons are (finally) deflating..sheesh. Then there has been school stuff. Which is over as of today for about two weeks. Finals week..that's what this has been. And what a week it's been. OMG. I actually felt brains leaking out of my ears on Sunday night...and then again last night...and now I have a weird feeling of lightness and a little like I've been on a gnarly roller coaster ride with one too many big loops. But now it's time to look forward. To Seattle. To downtime. To celebrating with hubby and JL and just 'being'...in the glory that is the Pacific Northwest ...

Today is my last day of my 40's. My very last day to be 'approaching 50'. The very last time I'll ever be able to say, 'When I begin the next half-century of my life, I'll...' I'm having a hard time concentrating on anything productive. I guess I just don't want to wake up tomorrow morning and go, 'Shit! I should have....yesterday!!!' You know what I mean?

I have a confession to make. In less than the time it takes to say 'Who's having a midlife???', I appear to be in the throes of a humdinger. A humdinger. Let me explain. First, Google caught me looking at Jimmy Choos, and now every time I go out to do a news surf,  pop ups for Jimmy Choos appear and lure tempt seduce me into looking.  Every time. And, well, I got to drive a Mustang yesterday. And that may have been a verrrrry bad thing. Said Mustang? Reignited my lust for cars that purr under your butt and respond nicely when you accelerate and feel HOT to drive and just make you go, "I am driving a classic, performance machine and ILOVEITVERYMUCHTHANKYOUVERYMUCH!" For the record, my car history for the last two decades looks like this: 1984 Honda Accord hatchback. Red. 5 speed manual transmission. My very first car ever that I picked out, then bought and paid for and owned for 15 years. Loved it. Husband ended up driving it after we hatched two c...