Desert Magnolia

 The second Super Moon, also a Harvest Moon, just happened. On the same night I had my mini-meltdown. (see prior post). I've talked with several friends who reported intense emotions, mostly around stuff that needs to be released, resolved. When I think about my angst, and how intense it felt, I realize it was all about that kind of stuff. Old stuff, patterns, thinking, habits. So maybe the moon precipitated things. The bubbling up of angst and anger and icky stuff lasted all that night, but had calmed by yesterday morning. Thank gawd, because that was a morass of darkness, the likes of which I haven't experienced in at least a decade. The rest of the weekend has been pleasant. Uneventful. Full of errands, chores, a really nice walk this morning, yummy food, naps, etc. The one thing about energy that feels constant is that no mood lasts forever. Energy continually shifts and morphs, like the Universe knows too much, too long, of any one sentiment just isn't a good idea for ...

So I made appointments for hubby and I to get our COVID and flu vaccines. It was a date, of sorts, on this Friday evening after a(nother) long week.  But we wanted to get it done. We get to the CVS, check in, and they inform us that CVS isn't actually contracted with our insurance company, which means we'd have to pay out of pocket. We politely declined. We pay ridiculous premiums, after all, and to just pay more because our insurance company doesn't play well with CVS? Couldn't do it, out of principle alone. Now a few years ago I wouldn't actually understand the mental preparation, as well as the literal preparation that goes into planning for a(nother) vaccine.  I like to err to the conservative and assume I'll need a day or two to chill while my immune system mounts its response. Last time, it wasn't bad, but I was glad I had that day (which was not the day after, but the 2nd day, as it turns out), to recuperate. So our weekend was light. We pushed off a ...

 Today is my day off, so I went for a walk. Which is what I do any day I have an hour free and it's not either 900 degrees out or blowing at tornado velocity or below zero. I am fortunate to live in an area close to some open space. The space is roughly the shape of a big balloon, and its perimeter measures around 3 miles, which is a perfect distance for me. For the 27 years I've been walking this beautiful open space, I've appreciated myriad birds, coyotes, lizards, silly dogs, ever-changing foliage colors, all with the backdrop of the giant Sandias.  These beautiful, simple pleasures of nature I've taken for granted. This morning I was reminded that taking anything for granted is a really bad idea. At the bottom end of the balloon of desert, I saw this. And many large trucks. And a portapotty. They were leveling and creating a big space into which who knows what will go. My heart clogged up with sadness. I had seen survey stakes over the last months, but hadn't re...

 Last night I was finishing up a fresh green salad to accompany our lasagna, and I chiffonaded the basil. It was a loose chiffonade roll, and the knife bounced. I knew the second that bad boy bounced my left pointer finger was in trouble. You know that feeling, right before something ridiculous happens. And then it happens, and you wait for a sec because you have a moment before a: the blood starts, and b: the pain starts. And then both happen. And you assess.  Usually, if you're me, there may be a bad word dropped. Because I was raised by pirates. And carry on the tradition, proudly. Ahem. Anyway, there was blood, followed by pain. I managed to (almost) carve a crescent out of the top of my poor finger. It was a flap that I calmly pressed back onto the exposed finger, rinsed, held up above my head (wrapped in a paper towel) and dropped the f bomb.  Hubby, about to jump in the shower, came trotting out into the kitchen, armed with a basket of bandaids, rendered first aid,...

 There was a time when picking up a couple packages of the white wine mussels in the frozen foods section of Sprouts filled in the seafood gap. Keep in mind, we live in New Mexico. Fish is super duper expensive and kind of sketchy here, even at Whole Foods, ok, especially at Whole Foods. I love them for some stuff, but Bezos...grrrr.. To their credit, the seafood counter professionals take pride in their work. They handpicked me two pounds of their fresh mussels today, and they did a great job.  So getting fresh fish/seafood is a treat. And I had become a bit lazy relying on those prepared white wine steamed mussels. But I've gotten fresh. With mussels. And white wine sauce. Turns out a little butter, shallots, garlic, capers, white wine, lemon juice and little time are all it takes to prep a great sauce. And then drop in the live mussels for a few minutes to (hopefully) painlessly expire and become part of our dinner. They were fabulous. Plump. Juicy. Winey. Buttery. With a s...

 Nobody really prepares you for the day-to-day reality of medical practice. You have clinic rotations where you practice the art of medicine. You have classes where the theory of ethics is discussed at length. You have years to ingest the theory of the medicine and then begin to apply it. But the reality of staying positive and appearing neutral when a beloved patient informs you that their cancer 'is more aggressive than anyone expected', and that they have five years of a hard fight ahead of them, sucks. Balls. When a patient who made extraordinary progress over the last few years loses their brother, experiences a personal attack, and who then was in a nasty car accident which caused significant pain and is taking quite awhile to heal from and then sinks into a nasty depression? This sucks. A lot. Therapeutic distance is a concept we work with to help us protect ourselves a bit, and to protect our patients from a really honest, visceral reaction where we shout out "No w...