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So anyway, where was I? Oh yeah..right here.

Right here is where I need to be, I suppose, but I have to say, I'm having a hard time being right where I am most given moments. It's like when I'm at school I'm worried about work. And when I'm at work I'm worried about studying. And in both places I'm hoping I'm managing to be a decent spouse, mother, and friend. Most days, I'm just not sure anymore, though I'm trying my best. I worry that my execution isn't as smooth, anywhere, as it should be.

I feel like I'm much more than I've ever been, but less defined than I'm accustomed to being.

It's like giving birth to oneself, but being both the mother and the child. It's not scary, just odd, and like a metamorphosis is taking place, the end result of which contains enough of the unknown to be a little intimidating, but the momentum I've created is carrying me now and really all I'm doing is just going with it.

At one point during childbirth with my son, the doctor asked me to push, which I did. And then he said, 'Ok, please stop...don't push anymore...' and I remember holding my hands up and laughing because I wasn't pushing. My body had taken over and was doing what it does during childbirth, and I was simply breathing ...and hoping for the best.

My life right now feels a lot like that moment in time when my body had taken over and was doing what it was designed to do. This time it's the universe pushing me along on a path I began, have chosen to take, and along which I am forging my way as determinedly and well as I can.

Right now, I'm focusing on breathing, letting this journey progress as it's meant to, and yes, there is in fact a little hoping for the best happening as well.

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