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A bucket list, of sorts...

Mind, Body, Green is one of my favorite websites. It's spiritual and positive and you can find all kinds of articles that resonate at that moment in time and it just resonates for me.

They have one entitled: 30 Things To Do Before You Die, and I realize that I have a whole lot of stuff to work on, in fact I will never ever be bored if I choose to focus on these. And I might end up feeling a whole lot better to boot.

You know that phrase, 'leave the past in the past'?  On this list it's Let go of your past.

Easier said than done, yes?

When I consider how much time in my life I've spent reacting to new people, relationships, opportunities based on my prior experiences, it blows me away. And it's seldom fair to the new person or relationship or opportunity that's in front of me.

Ekhart Tolle believes that it is possible to absolutely positively let go of the past, to release it by being 100% present as much of the time as you can.

When I first read that in The Power of Now, I dismissed it as just too simple, too easy. I've been raised in the mindset that you've got to really work through each and every past infraction/experience, you must touch on it, revisit (usually painfully, as it turns out), then methodically, slowly...choose to no longer let that experience affect you.

I guess it's not enough that we have to live through painful moments in the first place, in order to purge ourselves of them we must do it again ...and again...and again..if the older school psychology is to be believed.

So I tried Tolle's method. I practiced being present, first...which takes some effort since it's really a kind of meditation and those goddamned chattering monkeys love nothing more than me sitting still for a moment so they can begin their incessant chattering and clamoring for my attention. But I kept on trying, and have cleared a bit of space in which to enjoy a little stillness, to practice presence as it translates for me...and have begun to let go of some old shit that has seriously impeded my personal growth.

Example: Old boyfriend broke my heart. Long story, but deep, passionate romance, many promises, then much deceit and destruction and general emotional mayhem. That fiasco marred my view of relationships for years, and I believe nearly caused the destruction of my marriage at a particularly vulnerable point. Fortunately we were able to work through the madness of the moment and find our way back to center.

Another example: Ex husband (not referenced above), who loved loved loved the idea of arm candy (apparently that's how he viewed me at that point. Had I truly understood that I would have run for the hills years before I actually did.) He loved loved loved the idea of having a wife who was a doctor. He didn't love love love the idea of helping me get to that place because doing so would have meant one less Audi in the driveway of our upscale townhouse, I suppose...and that was unacceptable.

Example: Grandmother who always wanted me to 'finish up college,' then when I began that process and entered grad school, she said, 'Oh honey, I'm not sure that's such a good path for you. There are so many acupuncturists out there now. The market is flooded!' Ok, Gran...make up your mind, then step back.

For whatever reason (or obvious reasons if you know me), I've decided to let go of the nonsense around the three biggies above...and see what happens. So far, so good. And I'm feeling lighter. And I'm realizing that most of the crap around those things had absolutely nothing to do with me at all. Ever. Which just happens to be another item on the list!

Weird, huh?


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