Grandma G invited me to lunch with 'the girls' the other day. The night before the big lunch, of course, because she has no ridiculously tight work schedule that's pretty much full two weeks out and people looking to her for deliverables on a daily basis. My phone rang at 9:45 pm, I was on the hook by 9:47. That's just how she rolls, and she's good at what she does.
'The girls' are a group of women, none under the age of 85, who meet for lunch once a month, outside of their retirement home. Theycoerce threaten guilt the retirement home politely arrange for a van to deliver them to their restaurant of choice, where they order and savor foods with flavor, something they enjoy immensely given the general lack of spice in all foods presented them by the 'not chefs' of their home.
As we sat enjoying perfect crisp-tender snow peas coupled with sweetly spicy beef and onions over rice, salads with sesame ginger dressings and peanuts, and udon delights, they caught me up on events since the last visit.
Water exercises had recently become more difficult due to a new instructor who was 'really pushing them so they'd max out their workout benefits.' Intensity in workouts was leading to an increase in mid-morning naps, which was pushing on their greeting committee responsibilities, but they agreed that they're all getting a little more buff, so it's worth it.
Quilt club, which my Grandmother heads up, was excited about a new resident with a lovely sewing machine and time and energy to devote to making the baby quilts they generate with surprising skill and frequency. They take this responsibility seriously, and they are very proud of keeping many little babies warm who might not have a blanket at all, let alone a quilt made with love.
The new general manager, due to yet another acquisition of their property, was proving to be a bit of a pain because of her 'rather anal' nature, but they're hoping she uses said anal/control nature to keep the 'putz of a site manager' under control. I'll get an update at our next lunch on this.
Some new residents are, as usual, making it hard for the greeting committee to do their work and 'show them the ropes.' Turns out when you're newly inducted into a retirement home sometimes you just want to hole up for a bit in lieu of immediately mingling and socializing with your new community. The way Grandma often addresses this (she used to be a nurse...) is to suggest nominating that particularly shy person for a key role in the community, which would serve the purpose of bringing them out, physically, then allowing them to play a role which is less risky emotionally. Grandma is pretty smart, and I'm observing she's a ringleader in many activities within the home, a good sign to me and evidence that she's fully engaged at all times.
And the food, the food is awful. The veggies, what veggies there are, are overcooked. 'Damned steam tables just ruin them.' They do have good cod, but not when it's fried, only when it's baked with that butter sauce. And it seems in spite of a full court press from several microcommunities within the home for whole green beans vs 'those terrible sliced things that get mushy and have absolutely no flavor at all', so far the slivers are still the offering most days.
After they'd updated me, I shared with them the timing of the departure of kiddos, how by Saturday afternoon life would look very different in our house, etc., and I asked them if they had any advice, any words of wisdom they'd share with me.
Side note, if you ask an 85+ year old woman what she thinks about something, prepare for unfiltered honesty. By that point in life you apparently allow any/everything that streams across your brain to flow right out of your mouth for public consumption. I'm just sayin'.
Their insight?
Basically stay busy. None of this self-indulgent, take time for yourself to contemplate next steps and assess your life at this important juncture stuff. Simply the act of living a full life allows healing and easier transitions.
Also, if you haven't formed a good group of women friends during your years of schlepping kiddos from destination a to destination b each day, do it now. Women friends last a lifetime. And, they tend to outlive the men in your life. If you already have them but haven't spent a lot (enough) time with them of late, reconnect.
Look at your husband, and if you still love him, enjoy this time with him before you both get too sick/old/feeble to truly enjoy it. If you don't still love, him, launch him. There's no time like now to get rid of a bad husband and enjoy life on your own or with someone else. And the Internet, well, that makes dating so much easier anymore you don't even have to join social clubs or go to bingo to find a date.
Buy yourself something special, maybe a piece of jewelry, that reminds you of your babies and wear it always. Lockets are wonderful, and make the connection tangible.
Then move the hell on with life and stop whining. A good blubber (I love these ladies!) will clean out your emotional pipes, so go ahead and indulge in that, but then move the hell on already.
'Cuz if you're them, and they speak from the heart, life is a gift and wasting any more of it than necessary stewing over something that you have absolutely no control over is a crime.
'The girls' are a group of women, none under the age of 85, who meet for lunch once a month, outside of their retirement home. They
As we sat enjoying perfect crisp-tender snow peas coupled with sweetly spicy beef and onions over rice, salads with sesame ginger dressings and peanuts, and udon delights, they caught me up on events since the last visit.
Water exercises had recently become more difficult due to a new instructor who was 'really pushing them so they'd max out their workout benefits.' Intensity in workouts was leading to an increase in mid-morning naps, which was pushing on their greeting committee responsibilities, but they agreed that they're all getting a little more buff, so it's worth it.
Quilt club, which my Grandmother heads up, was excited about a new resident with a lovely sewing machine and time and energy to devote to making the baby quilts they generate with surprising skill and frequency. They take this responsibility seriously, and they are very proud of keeping many little babies warm who might not have a blanket at all, let alone a quilt made with love.
The new general manager, due to yet another acquisition of their property, was proving to be a bit of a pain because of her 'rather anal' nature, but they're hoping she uses said anal/control nature to keep the 'putz of a site manager' under control. I'll get an update at our next lunch on this.
Some new residents are, as usual, making it hard for the greeting committee to do their work and 'show them the ropes.' Turns out when you're newly inducted into a retirement home sometimes you just want to hole up for a bit in lieu of immediately mingling and socializing with your new community. The way Grandma often addresses this (she used to be a nurse...) is to suggest nominating that particularly shy person for a key role in the community, which would serve the purpose of bringing them out, physically, then allowing them to play a role which is less risky emotionally. Grandma is pretty smart, and I'm observing she's a ringleader in many activities within the home, a good sign to me and evidence that she's fully engaged at all times.
And the food, the food is awful. The veggies, what veggies there are, are overcooked. 'Damned steam tables just ruin them.' They do have good cod, but not when it's fried, only when it's baked with that butter sauce. And it seems in spite of a full court press from several microcommunities within the home for whole green beans vs 'those terrible sliced things that get mushy and have absolutely no flavor at all', so far the slivers are still the offering most days.
After they'd updated me, I shared with them the timing of the departure of kiddos, how by Saturday afternoon life would look very different in our house, etc., and I asked them if they had any advice, any words of wisdom they'd share with me.
Side note, if you ask an 85+ year old woman what she thinks about something, prepare for unfiltered honesty. By that point in life you apparently allow any/everything that streams across your brain to flow right out of your mouth for public consumption. I'm just sayin'.
Their insight?
Basically stay busy. None of this self-indulgent, take time for yourself to contemplate next steps and assess your life at this important juncture stuff. Simply the act of living a full life allows healing and easier transitions.
Also, if you haven't formed a good group of women friends during your years of schlepping kiddos from destination a to destination b each day, do it now. Women friends last a lifetime. And, they tend to outlive the men in your life. If you already have them but haven't spent a lot (enough) time with them of late, reconnect.
Look at your husband, and if you still love him, enjoy this time with him before you both get too sick/old/feeble to truly enjoy it. If you don't still love, him, launch him. There's no time like now to get rid of a bad husband and enjoy life on your own or with someone else. And the Internet, well, that makes dating so much easier anymore you don't even have to join social clubs or go to bingo to find a date.
Buy yourself something special, maybe a piece of jewelry, that reminds you of your babies and wear it always. Lockets are wonderful, and make the connection tangible.
Then move the hell on with life and stop whining. A good blubber (I love these ladies!) will clean out your emotional pipes, so go ahead and indulge in that, but then move the hell on already.
'Cuz if you're them, and they speak from the heart, life is a gift and wasting any more of it than necessary stewing over something that you have absolutely no control over is a crime.
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