Desert Magnolia

One of GG's friends is a musician, in fact he teaches it, and he's good. He plays the piano, often with a couple of other band people and they make nice jazzy music. Tonight he's playing at Mykonos, our favorite neighborhood Greek restaurant. Their food is traditional and delicious. Their bar is full service, so if you're in the mood for a glass of wine or a killer martini, you're set. I'm not sure what I'm in the mood for yet. But I'll know when I sit down. We're meeting friends. A couple we've known for 26 years, and in fact who attended our wedding and whose wedding we attended and with whom we've raised our 4 children (collectively) and who feel much more like family than many family members to us. They're awesome. And a former colleague of GG's, who is funny and cool, and who lived in the Middle East with her ex, and with whom we share fun stories and who really convinced us to spend next Christmas at her timeshare in Mexic...

After the Chinese man with many letters after his name shifted my universe in a way that made me question my ability to pursue this new endeavor (and whether I could actually retain anything of substance..anything..) and I had my little intensely annoying self-doubt party, I calmed down a little. Mostly because my dear friends can do that-calm me down when I've managed to work myself into a tizzy and stay in some hyper-freaked out mode for much longer than one would consider normal. Ahem. This means Love. Happy Valentine's Day! So thank you sweet Daughter, and sane and funny Son, and Hubby, and all of my friends..who encouraged me to put some perspective around the first exam of my new program. When he handed back our graded tests the other day,  my prof made eye contact with me and said, 'Very nice work. You're learning well.' My jaw dropped, and when I looked down and realized I'd somehow managed to pull off an A...I nearly passed out. Onward. ...

Said ass kicker dealt up my first exam in 14 years. And it was hard. And I made some stupid mistakes, got some hard stuff right, and had to talk myself off a panic attack ledge at least twice, which made me forget stuff I know, but couldn't access. I walked out of that exam feeling disappointed, mostly in myself. For not being clever enough to anticipate what the prof was going to throw at us. For not intuiting his style prior to our first exam. For not having a photofuckingraphic memory so the stuff that was on that table he told us we didn't need to study but that he put on the exam anyway? Would have already been automatically saved in my brain and it wouldn't have been a biggie. Overall, I'd say if I wasn't as old, experienced and determined as I am? I'd be second guessing my decision. But I'm old, experienced, and determined and will figure out what I did wrong, learn it right, and move on. Cuz that's how it works when you're a grown up. ...

After several months of learning more, and mostly adhering to a Primal diet, I'm finding that some interesting things have happened. Warning: If you just aren't interested in this aspect of my life, leave now. There's not too much else in the post besides more talk of music, some thoughts on studying for my first exam and the soul deep concentration required to choose a color for the pedi I intend to get on the way home today.  Ok, then. If you're still here, you care about what I've noticed since embarking upon this Primal journey. Or you care about what color I'm thinking for a mid-Winter toe treat. Either way, hi. So at first the Primal thing is weird. We spend a remarkable amount of time baking, enjoying foods full of grains, eating rice and let's not get started on soy. No sirree. There is a lot of creating a new awareness of what to avoid. Which feels a little restrictive, but that goes away pretty quickly. Breakfasts can be a little monotonous...

Today marked the end of a long and intense week. Like most Fridays, I suppose. But today I decided not get caught up in the chaos, but just to listen to good music and forge through my project list as best I could. In spite of a few tangential memory moments, (first kiss with the most delicious college guy who was way older than me and wow... flashbacks to long road trips between here and California listening to the Eagles, navigating Sunday mornings with Santana in the background,  long, hot days on the boat down in Mexico where the sea stretched onto forever and the colors were clear, sharp and uniquely Baja, etc.) I got a lot done. In fact, even during the nostalgic wave I accomplished a great deal. Which makes me want to use music as a buffer more often. Because stark reality? Is overrated. Happy weekend!

The whole work/school routine is falling into place, and I'm pretty sure by the end of the first semester I'll be in a really good groove. Because that's just how I roll. But in the meantime, while the groove is establishing and I am adjusting to being a pretty old chick back in school? I'm kind of a dud. For example, say you wanted me to watch a favorite TV show with you after dinner. And I said 'Sure!' because I like our favorite TV shows, and I got all settled in on the couch and snuggled up and watched the opening scene of Modern Family, then fell asleep. Hard. Out like a light out. Cut to later, when Daughter (who was still home last week when I did this) says, 'Mom, it's time for bed. Come on, do NOT sleep on the couch. It always seems like a great idea until about 2 a.m. when you're really uncomfortable and need the bed...' Wowza. The sleep I did without in college? I'm having to catch up on now. And since I'm back in schoo...

Daughter left on Sunday morning, which meant my Sunday afternoon was kind of without its normal abundance of oxygen...This always happens, and I can say that my recovery period is getting shorter and the breathlessness is becoming less suffocating. But it still happens, and I suspect it probably always will. After I dropped her at the airport I ran some errands, then went home and went for longest, hardest run I'd gone on since before our trip. The air was balmy, in fact I ran in shorts and a sweatshirt. The sun on my face felt calming and soothing and the slight breeze kept me from regretting choosing the sweatshirt over a lighter technical shirt.... Arm work, ab work and stretching followed the run. And a shower, of course. And once I was cool and clean, I decided to sit...quietly, for about twenty minutes, in the sunbeam shining into our living room. I felt a soft settling, an internal acceptance of the new now, almost like a sigh from my soul, and a sense of peace came ov...