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Is this what psychedelics feel like?

These days there is no norm. Which isn't a terrible thing, but tends to be a little disconcerting at times. I watch my fellow students caught in the vortex of their studies, defining their realities by project due dates, quizzes, exams, milestones that are part of this endeavor.

I have those things too.

What I'm struggling with is how to meet all of the obligations for the long-term effort while striving to be productive on a work level for my former colleagues/now clients.

It should be easy, but it's not. Even if it's not supposed to be easy, per se, I don't know if it's supposed to be this damned difficult. I'm not sure if I am just about to break through another one of those stupid walls that keeps showing up in front of me or if I'm missing something obvious here, but I'm looking forward to some kind of clarity, the sooner the better.

And it's not about inertia.

I'm pretty sure I'll figure it out soon, but in the meantime I'm doing that whole 'What day is it anyway?!' thing every morning I wake up and am being super present and super focused and coming home abso.fucking.lutely exhausted at the end of the day.

Which goes with the territory, but makes me want to take extra vitamins or meditate more or find a way to generate more energy because it's not going to get easier before this is over, it's going to get much much harder.

And even if I'm tired? There's always more to study, a piece of work to generate, an emotional obligation to uphold somewhere.

That's just the way it works.

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