Desert Magnolia

A review of my recent posts of late has made me frown and contemplate where I'm really at with regard to outlook, general status, etc. My posts have had a stressed and rather dark feel to them, some of which makes sense, what with the expectations of school and such, but some of which feels a little..not how I really look at the world. I am maddeningly positive, most days, and awaken energized and ready for whatever comes my way each morning. I am blessed with good health, a loving family, much good fortune, and am pursuing a new path that is already proving to be the absolute right one for me. So my grumpy posts? Not really who I am or how I look at the world. I'm mostly a fix it kind of person.  If something is broken, I find a way to repair it. When I looked back at my Thanksgiving post, I realized I was 'observing', but with a decidedly grey filter over things. I don't want to be that. I can make choices not to be in situations, to provide alternatives to...

Next week is finals, which means this week feels like it's going way too fast. The need to review/revisit absolutely everything that has gone into this brain all term (finals are comprehensive - all of them, so wowza) is upon me. I can tell I am getting stressed about the exams when simple distractions like, say, taking a shower or normal human functions like eating, feel like they're wasting time I should be using to study. Endlessly. I need to show up ready, strong, and focused. There are no safety nets at this point - failing anything isn't an option unless I want to be in school next Fall which I most certainly do not thank you very much. So, time to quit screwing around and study already. Right? Hugs, Stevie

Albert Einstein's definition of insanity - repeating the same action and expecting a completely different outcome - seems to be the theme for the holidays this year. Thanksgiving turned out to be ok - which was good. The energy vamp chose to surf the 'Net after dinner, simply avoiding all contact with us, so that meant the rest of us chatted and enjoyed dessert and relaxed a little. At one point during the evening I looked around at the faces, all familiar, all part of a complex family drama and personal evolution, devolution, growth and aging.  The young ones are growing up, and will be moved away in a few years. The older ones are getting even older, and mark their days by managing chronic pain and choosing how to focus their resources, which are less than they were even a year ago. And every one of us gathers to celebrate each holiday, to reconnect on whatever level works at that moment, and hopes for some significant easing of tension and angst and underlying dysfuncti...

This year, hubby and I contemplated getting away for Thanksgiving. We entertained the thought of staying in Santa Fe, enjoying a lovely meal out, walking around the plaza, and mostly NOT dealing with the family political dynamic that has plagued recent (ok, at least the last 10 if not more) Turkey Day celebrations. The fact that our kids will not be home adds to the feeling of liberation - there is no tradition to uphold if they aren't here, right? In fact, daughter and her boyfriend will be in Italy this year. Italy. Touring, eating the most amazing foods and drinking Italian wine. They're even taking a cooking class in Tuscany while they're there. They'll be having an incredible, romantic time, and doing what you should do - which is enjoying the event. Son is too far away to come home for Thanksgiving, but will be home for Christmas, which warms my mama heart to its very core. He will be celebrating with friends in Abu Dhabi, and will most likely host - he is the ch...

It's midterms again, which means I am either head down studying for the next big exam, or I am thinking about it (and possibly avoiding it by cleaning or practicing some form of denial for a few minutes). As I prepare to go for a much needed jog to clear my head and move my body, I, sitting in my dining room with a 5'x8' window to my left, looked at my phone to see what the weather app had to say about what was going on outside. Really? WTH? Time to get in touch with reality and myself, yes? Hugs, Stevie

A dear family friend, who just recently returned to our state after years away in California, has graciously invited me to stay with her a couple of nights a week in Santa Fe while I finish up school. What does this mean? Less commuting. Which equates to less cumulative fatigue over the course of a week. Which also equates to a more focused, effective me..as a student and general member of society. Last week was our first week trying this new arrangement out, and it seems to be pretty comfortable - for both of us. Her home is lovely, and her neighbors are welcoming and supportive as well. This counts as an unexpected blessing. I am grateful, and I am thankful, and I look forward to doing my very best to finish this program strong and ready for boards, and for life beyond. It really does take a village to support big goals, doesn't it? Stevie

Sometimes Fall sneaks up on you, and then one morning there you are surrounded by golden leaves and you notice a chill in the air. Sometimes Fall skirts the edges of Summer, teasing with its cooler nights and crisper mornings. This is a skirting year. Our days, due to some unexpected high pressure systems, have been unseasonably warm, still in the 90's when they should be dropping into the low 80's by now. Even so, Fall is close. The leaves in the Sandias have begun to turn glorious shades of yellow and gold and red. The morning air really is cooler and cleaner and has a bit of an edge. I noticed last week, when greeting the early morning in Santa Fe on my friend's patio, that it was much cooler in the City Different. Much. I needed a sweatshirt...and the colors, evident on the nearby Sangre De Cristos, are stunning. So, it'll be really cool, for real, pretty soon, we're told. For today, though, it's sunscreen and a hat for the walk/jog. It's goin...